Crucifying Ronald McDonald

For crimes against humanity, the United States vs Ronald McDonald was the longest trial in modern American history. There were multiple reasons for the extended length of the eight year trial. Between Ronald McDonald's flashing satanic hand gestures towards the camera, and later invertedly crawling on the ground and reciting the Lord's prayer backwards. Then there was the undercover Jury members, all of whom where a part of the McDonald's X Walmart Alliance. Then there was the bomb scare, and then the second bomb scare, and then the Hamburgler attempting to break Ronald out of his prison cell, only to be shot twenty-four times by security. Then Grimace, fully naked, covered in gasoline, lit himself a blaze, only for Ronald McDonald to sing the songs of Satan as it's happening.

Once found guilty, he was taken out back, beaten senseless, whipped, choked to near death, beaten some more, forced to watch a doughnut making tutorial video, forced to watch That 80's Show, The Golden Palace, After MASH, and every other shits and glory show that ran after a highly successful predecessor, beaten some more, then crucified. Some said that they could hear the voices of millions of underpaid, overworked, uninsured, mistreated teenagers cry out in pain, finally to be silenced in rest

Amen