In a Trance for 52 years. How Did She Do it?

I have recently discovered my mother is a covert narcissist who has caused appalling damage to all of the children’s relationships. I was designated scapegoat, but cannot remember details of just how she worked her magic.
I believed that I was mentally unstable, destined for failure, unattractive and could not see a future. Everything has been an uphill struggle.
The only way I woke up is that I had a terrible workplace accident, where I lost the sight in one eye. During the psychotherapy I had for that, other things manifested. It has taken over four years to get to the point of me understanding what happened, it I don’t know how it happened.
Part of me still doesn’t believe that my darling mother could have done what she did, and wants to fall under the spell again, even though it means being seen as unworthy, etc.
What happens when you are young? Do they implant a key word or phrase so that you trance out at their command?
I have woken from a long nightmare and don’t want to fall asleep again.