PTSD caused my breakup *triggering*

After everything that I've lived though, [TORTURE: raped multiple times a day for 3 years, forced to commit sexual acts, degraded, humiliated, self worth destroyed, sleep deprivation, physical abuse, living in constant fear for my life, freedom stolen, and so much more], I face more pain.

How is it that I am being punished again for something other people commited towards me?

I managed to trust again and opened myself up to another person. I fell in love, and felt so
wonderfully safe and felt loved by another person, never experienced that before. I didn't realize at the time that I was having PTSD symptoms, and quickly pushed my partner away. I closed myself off to him and didn't realize how much I loved him until it was too late. He broke up with me.

I don't know what to think. How could he not realize there was something really wrong with me? That I was sick, and not just being moody and dramatic. I'm so hurt that he left me when I needed him the most. I am disgusted with PTSD! Why am I still being punished?!

Life is so ######6 cruel

I am sorry you are suffering so much. This sounds horrible. Did your partner know about your history of abuse? If he knew, it's surprising that he couldn't understand that you were suffering from PTSD.

WM

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup exquisitecorpse, that must hurt so much.

I agree that it does often seem so unfair that our symptoms from PTSD often push others away in close relationships, even when we don't mean for that to happen. It seems as if it is yet another thing that our abusers have taken from us, the ability to be close to another person.

I think it takes a special person and a special type of understanding from someone to be prepared to work through the issues in a relationship with a person who has experienced past abuse. It sounds like maybe this guy wasn't the one who could be patient and understanding about your issues and love you through them and help the relationship work through them. Maybe him being out of the picture will open you up to the love of someone else who will be able to stick with you and work through the issues in a relationship with you?

How have you been coping since the break up?

salted lipstick wrote:I think it takes a special person and a special type of understanding from someone to be prepared to work through the issues in a relationship with a person who has experienced past abuse.

This does make sense. I think when I'm ready, (although I feel like I never want to date again!!), I won't pursue someone without these qualities; capability to understand me, patience, and kindness.

salted lipstick wrote:How have you been coping since the break up?

I'm all over the place. Some days are good, some days like today are just awful.

exquisitecorpse wrote:I'm all over the place. Some days are good, some days like today are just awful.

It's always like that with PTSD. Just do your best and accept your limitations. I love your avatar by the way.

WM

I'm sorry to here about your pain.I dont have PTSD,I have bipola.But I trully believe my wife has PTSD.I know with BP no one can really understand what you go though unless they have it.So I asume its the same with PTSD;people that dont have it can never understand the depht of what you have to go though on a daily basis.I do believe in God and there is a purpose for everything we go through.Please try and stay strong,I for one know its ALOT easier said then done.God Bless &Take Care!