Rape induced PTSD - Help please help

i kept quiet for four years, and always looked to be totally in control and happy. but inside i was dying. really dying. it eats away your resistance and your ability to feel.

in my experience, the nightmares only started to become less threatening when i started to deal with my rape. i first had to go through the whole process of talking, reporting, reliving and the whole bunch of messes before things tended to get better..

Hey, My name is Angel and I to have a loved one suffering from ptsd. I t is a heavy load to carry I can assure you in that. Hun the first thing you got to realize is you can't force her into getting help. She got to want it.


The best you can do is wake her up to the fact she is not coping with it or dealing with it. That she is only fooling herself and you know it is hurting her. That the longer she goes with out treating it the worse it will get. YOu have to be firm, you have to let her know you love her and best of all tell her that when she is ready, you will be there for her.


Reassure her there is no shame in seeking help and she doesn't deserve to live like this.


Sadly beside talking with her about getting help, there is little else you can do.

Hi, I hope I can help.

I have ptsd from r@pe. kidnapping, bondage, armed criminal actions by my perp 10 years ago. among previous incidences. But this one holds the candle.

Please give her time, but allow her to talk and talk and talk as much as she can. The more you talk the lesser the fear after a while. I went to the rape counceling, that was the worst mistake I made, because they told me "We can't help you, you have to go to psychiatrist", well great.!!!!

So in time she will start remembered repressed episodes and will want to talk. Or she could block it out and it hit her later, sometimes ptsd doesn't hit you for awhile, sometimes years. Hopefully by then she will have let it all out, most importantly she feels dirty, used, mad, scared, ( I know) so she needs alot of support. And someone to go with her places for a while, the buddy system, and when she cries hold her. Let her know most of all. 'It is not your fault". That is the most important part.

All my thoughts for you all,

Hi everyone,
I currently feel trapped in a relationship that is beginning to harm me emotionally. I have been seeing this girl alot for the past three months, and I know now that she has ptsd from being sexually abused when she was 8 years old. she has every possible long-term symptom listed on ncptsd.va.gov for sexually abused children. especially in the way it effects our relationship.
[b]PTSD and/or anxiety
Depression and thoughts of suicide
Sexual anxiety and disorders
Poor body image and low self-esteem
The use of unhealthy behaviors, such as alcohol abuse, drug abuse, self-mutilation, or bingeing and purging, to help mask painful emotions related to the abuse [/b]

AND

Survivors who feel close to someone else, who begin to trust, and who become emotionally or sexually intimate may feel like they are letting down their guard. Although the survivor often actually feels a strong bond of love or friendship in current healthy relationships, this experience can be perceived as dangerous.
Having been victimized and exposed to rage and violence, survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses. [i]In order to suppress their anger and impulsive actions, survivors may avoid closeness by expressing criticism toward or dissatisfaction with loved ones and friends.<--this is what makes tour relationship the hardest
Intimate relationships may have episodes of verbal or physical violence.
Survivors may be overly dependent upon or overprotective of partners, family members, friends, or support persons (such as healthcare providers or therapists).
Alcohol abuse and substance addiction, which can result from an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships
[/i]

she also has many of the other symptoms not listed above, like being jumpy and HATES going to the hospital or especially going to the gynecologist

I know this relationship is destroying me, and it is not healthy. And I feel so much pain for her, I never knew how or what love was, or how difficult it can be, until I met her. I also know that she is such a beautiful person, it makes me very sad and I cry alot when I think about how someone could do that to her, all the pain it has caused her. I love her so much though and this is why I am here. I want to know the best way to take care of her AND if ending the relationship is going to make things worse for her. She tried to kill herself 1-year ago, after a break-up, and I'm scared she might try again. I plan on trying to contact her freinds, and possibly her family, and let them know that she will need them to be there for her. She does have a therapist that she sees once a week, HOWEVER, I honestly don't know if the therapist is aware of what happened to her, and I'm afraid to ask her so I may just go to the therapist and tell them because the therapist really needs to know. I am so scared, and so depressed myself overthis, I don't want to be another one of the guys that has ran-out on her, but I don't know if us having a troubled relationship is better than us seperating. I also want to remain her freind, but I don't want to have to hurt her by being with her when she needs to get over me. Please help me, she means so much to me and I just want her to get better, I am truly afraid of whether or not I could even live with myself if she killed herself after we broke up. thank you.

http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=12682

I already read through that entire post

Coping with being rape may also be more difficult if family, friends and colleagues are not supportive and/or blame the survivor.

so does this mean I should stay in the relationship and help her?

kevingood wrote:I already read through that entire post

Coping with being rape may also be more difficult if family, friends and colleagues are not supportive and/or blame the survivor.

so does this mean I should stay in the relationship and help her?

Of course , she needs all the love and support she can get? She isn't tanted goods. She's human, put yourslef in her shoes. please help her.

I've been trying so hard, but I simply can't do it. I can't enter back in to a relationship with her just yet. It's been a few days, and I haven't responded to her calls or messages. I had a long talk with my brother, he means alot to me because he is the most compassionate person you could ever know. and his advice was basically that I shouldn't stay because of how it is dragging me down. She lives an hour away, and she likes being at my house most of the time, so I find myself alot making two round trips when she is upset or angry with me, I'm getting in at 3-or-4 in the morning, I'm not able to take care of stuff I need to do around my house to get MY life togethor, I have been destroying all of my freindships and my family lif, I wake up so late that finding a job is even difficult of having to fit into my schedule of getting in arguments, having to try to apologize for things that are so small or taken the wrong way that I shoudn't have too, I was missing classes and not doing homework at the end of the semestor-I almost failed all three of my classes, and if I bring any of these things up she get's deffensive and blames me for causing the same problems in her life. It's so hard when she continually brings up buried hatchets that she were from her overreacting. I love myself and I've made alot of bad choices in my life and dissapointed my parents alot and regretted alot of thigs-I'm finally on a beter track and this decision at times feels like it's a slow motion oppurtunity to not make the wrong decision so that I can keep growing myself. I've been really depressed over this the last few day's, I'm so scared for her, I keep walking late at night and crying for her and thinking about how it is going 2 drag me down until she can heal, I think alot about what she is going through, everything- the cutting, suicadal thoughts, going numb, her eating and sleeping habits. I keep picturing her sitting down crying and curled in a ball, so scared and alone. Alot of what helps me fel better and get through this is thinking of ways that I can help from a sort of "behind the scenes" way until she is over me enough that I can be just her freind. I talked with her freind melissa, she knows about what happened to her, I told her I really wanted her to try to help her, I gave her the ncptsd website and told her the best way she can help her is by learning about what she is going through and also told her she needs her to be there as a freind, melissa told me she hadn't been returning her calls for a little while, I don't beleive she has been able to get in touch with her yet. I also talked with her parents that same day, it was a few days ago, I stopped at melissa's on the way to bring casey some stuff she left at my house. I called her when I was close and she didn't answer and sent me a text message saying drop it at my house. I did, and I talked with her parents also.

i cried in her living room pretty bad in front of her parents, they knew abuse had happened, but the few details I knew was actually more than they knew. They are at their end with her, I've been thinking more about that conversation now that I've had time to process it. I suggested 2 them that they get her a therapist who specializes in ptsd and sexual abuse victims, them nor I like her current therapist. They love her so much but they are at the point now where they think they need to show her tough love, I disagree and will be contacting her mom again soon to see if she has gone to the website and learned anything and I also want to plead with her not to give up just yet. I also want to tell her that a little about my veiw of what's going on between casey and her. I think casey hates her the most because she has fought with her mom so many times and when she gets angry and violent like that every time it makes her feel like she looks even worse in her moms eyes and she feels even less of her self than before, thereby making the relationship get worse and worse. because the less she loves herself the worse it gets it seems. I also sent her an instant message yesterday, I sent her a link to sadgurls website, I registered her and sent her the account name and password, I hope so bad she will go there and just read until she is ready, I think I may send her the link again down the road, but I don't want to push it, I also don't want to be in much contact with her until she gets over me a little better. It's sad because I am worried that she is going to run back to her other ex, I've never met him however I don't think this is good because allthough i understand it is very difficult at times, I would never hit her back during one of her violent streaks. I just want her to get better, and I wan't to help. I don't know, I just love her so much but I can't take her back unless I put alot of rules and demands of my own into the relationship and I know she won't go for them. these include, no sex for first two months AT LEAST, because I feel secretely she loathes it at least a little PLUS it is a very good way to build intamcy, sex actually destroys this, and I suspect it may be even worse for her in her situation., I also need to let her know I don't want her drinking with or around me (she does nearly every time we hang out, she has to, it's one of her negative ways of dealing), I can't see her more than 3-times a week, NEITHER of us can be getting in at 3 in the morning. I know that many of these requirments will be nearly impossible for her, I actually feel that the sex one will be the one she will speak out against the most because she has such low self-esteem that she thinks this is her best weapon for keeping me happy and staying, but it's not true at all, I was with her because I love her. I don't know, I've been spending alot of time on here, I'm trying to learn as much as I can, hearing some of the stories and feeling is just heartbreaking, it fills me with rage and at the same time makes me cry. It's 2:38 am and she just called me. I'm scared, I didn't answrer, I;m so scared that I am going to drive out there and not contact her and go to the woods near her house and make sure she isn't in the woods where she tried to o.d. a year ago.

Well it's a1/2 hour later and I'm back, I never went, I walked barefoot up and down the street crying alot and then thinking. I just can't do it, I know it will go right back to where it was very quickly, rules or not, and it will be a decision I will regret, it's just so tough because I love her so much and I enjoy being with her but I need to love myself also and I need to have it benefit me not have a negative impact on my life. It's also really hard because I'm so worried that she is going to kill herself, and if that happens I will possibly do the same, I know I would blame and never forgive myself. The only reason I don't want to call her and support her RIGHT NOW is because I am fearful of hurting her because for a little while I can only be there as a freind and I am going to have to tell her that. I

If I do decide to give this another try, I am considering showing her all of my posts here so she knows what I am really feeling and what I am going through and what I expect and need, would this not be good?

If it could be a healthy relationship for both of us I would have no qualms, but I am trying to distance myself from my feelings and look at it logically in perspective with my entire life (hard to do) and the way our relationship was heading (for both of us), doesn't appear neither healthy nor beneficial, to either of us, and it needs to be beneficial for both of us. Please help me because I really want to help her and be with her and still be able to be the person I was becoming before I met her.