How does one move on?

I didn't mean to invalidate your pain. I just feel that you are not seeing the reality the way it actually is. If you are not willing to recognize the support you are getting on this forum and may be outside as well, this means you've made a commitment to stay where you are. You don't want to move on for whatever reason. Yes, you have been terribly wronged by other people and you didn't deserve to get what you got from the world. But it's your choice to accept help from others in order to help yourself or not to accept it. You have the right to make any choice you want but don't blame the world for the choices you make. I understand that not moving on somehow has to do with staying "motivated" to fight against injustices, which is something that you are not doing anyway anymore because according to you "nothing works", and so this self-"motivation" doesn't make sense. It also has to do with not loosing your identity as a writer and an activist. Whatever the reason is that keeps you stuck, I am sure this reason is worth exploring but you don't want to explore it either. Every time someone brings up some possible reason for your being stuck and some possible solutions you say "you may be right" and then switch the subject. It's perfectly fine if you want to use this thread just as a journal, but it seems like you also want other people's feedback. If you want the feedback, then why don't you respond to it and if you don't want the feedback, then why you ask for it? I don't know about others but this puts me personally in the stupid position when I try to talk to you, but you are only interested in talking to yourself about your pain. Again, if that's what you want, that's fine, but then don't ask for the feedback.

WM

@WiseMonkey
Thank you for the last post you added to this thread, I was beginning to feel the same way and was getting a sense that no matter what I wrote, it was going to be automatically disregarded because.... there is some hidden agenda going on here, although not necessarily something intentional.

I was thinking, when you get professional help and pay for it, the therapist has to make some kind of effort to 'do something' or provide some kind of service because that's their job, but that doesn't mean they really care or put their heart into trying to help.

Here, on this site, when people take the time to read about someone else's struggles and do the best they can to offer support, understanding and maybe some suggestions, it has to come from the heart or a place of real caring, because there is nothing else in it.

@Kenneth
It makes me sad that you don't feel the genuine care and compassion which has been offered to you and that you still feel so isolated and victimized. Just because I'm not right there in person, doesn't mean that I'm not an actual real person. I hoped that I had shared enough of my own truth to make it clear that I am real and I have had similar experiences and so I do actually understand, as much as anyone else can understand another person's suffering. I've had faith that that everything you have written is genuine, but for all I know, this could have been some kind of game, played for amusement or attention. I really don't think so, but even if it was, I don't mind, I still care, but it would be for a different reason.

Of course its your choice to instantly dismiss every attempt at contact, support and understanding and in a lot of ways its understandable, its very difficult to trust and let our guard down and start to hope when we have been badly hurt and let down in life. But there comes a time, if we really want to heal, that a tiny risk has to be taken. Just a baby step really, but in order to actually move forward, we actually have to take a chance and move towards the place we want to go, with faith, but no guarantee.

I suggest you read back through this entire thread and focus on all the positive, helpful and supportive things which everyone has written, trying to help you. Then have a look at how you have responded to all the help which has been offered freely to you.

I'm not suggesting you do this for any kind of judgmental reason, but just so that you can get a more realistic view based on reality, rather than holding onto old beliefs based on they way you feel. The reality is, people reach out to you Kenneth, and you reject and dismiss them by not considering what they write, or responding appropriately, even though a lot of time and energy might have been spent in reaching out to you.

You have been given a real gift here, I hope you are able to accept it.

I guess you're right, WiseMonkey. I've been so overwhelmed that every time I come here, I always have a new problem, which made it difficult for me to take people's advice. In retrospect, you're right that I have been thinking too negatively, which de-motivates people. I haven't really given up. I just had a phase.

Take_too, I didn't mean to disregard your feedback. I do acknowledge now that people on this message board are trying to help. Instead of posting again on this topic, I am going to re-read the previous messages that have been sent to me. I think I've taken up enough of your space and time.

You're welcome to keep posting in this thread, Kenneth, but you could also consider opening an online-journals/ for day-to-day reflection. Which can be just for you or replies welcome, as you choose.