How does one move on?

I'm in a constant state of depression. I've seen so many nightmarish things in my life that sometimes I just shut down completely. At the moment, I am completely shut down. I can't cope with these memories, and I've already tried to do something about it. Everything I've tried has failed. I am losing all sense of meaning in life.

I told one of my therapists about this. He said that if I can't function at work, too bad, because they are paying me to work. While I found the phrasing of his comment to be disrespectful and non-constructive, I actually agree with what he says. Yet, that still does not solve the problem.

Which brings me back to the topic at hand. How am I supposed to move on knowing that all these things happened? Some wounds never heal. Some wounds are still being inflicted upon other people. Asians continue to suffer from black racism in low-income neighborhoods. Asians continue to suffer from white racism in school. I have tried everything to end this. I have failed.

I have no one to turn to.

I'm losing touch with myself. I can't function with these memories in my mind. I will never be truly happy again.

All I see are their sadistic smiles. They probably don't even remember me, but they ruined my life. I can't move on. For years, I convinced myself that I was happy. I am not happy and I never will be.

I do not know what to do at this point.

Hi Kenneth,

I’m sorry you feel this way. It seems you have some very negative thinking patterns. Perceptions shape reality. If you are convinced you will never be happy, you probably never will be. You will be defeated if you think you already are.

I know awful things have happened to you and I am not trying to disregard that but aren’t there some good things that have happened too? I think it might help to think about those some and be grateful for the positive experiences and people in your life.

Hugs Kenneth.

Being a product of the American public school system, I have very few good memories. There are no people in my life that I can turn to. I have no friends. I have no job.

You are right, though. I should not accept defeat, especially in something this serious. That said, I have tried Plan A, Plan B and Plan C, and all of those strategies failed. I am having trouble thinking of other strategies.

I went to my therapist's colleague today. We had a productive conversation, even though I didn't particularly like this colleague of his. Regardless, it did not improve my situation substantially, and it doesn't answer the question of what I am going to do with the rest of my life.

I'm trying to rethink some things, but right now, I'm stuck.

Sometimes an answer isn’t immediately forthcoming. Give it time. Keep talking to your therapist, to us and others that could help. It may be a slow process but stick with it and try not to give up hope for the future. I'm sending positive thoughts your way...

I can't function any longer. The white kids in college were picking on me and they got away with it. I can't get over it. I never will get over it.

I can't do this any longer. My mind is boggled with a hundred thoughts. I'm really shutting down. I may need to check myself into a hospital even though I do not agree with anything psychiatry says.

-- Thu Sep 27, 2012 2:55 pm --

White people seem to enjoy watching other people suffer. I can't figure out how to take action against these people. I met them in college. They ruined my life. I can't figure out what to do.

I can't get over what they did to me in college. I can't get over what they did to me in the psych ward.

I have no one to turn to.

My entire life, I have faced bad luck. Everyone in every place I've gone to tolerates discrimination against Asians while they get angry at discrimination against blacks. I hate this world. I hate this country. They've destroyed my mind and I will never forgive them for what they did to me.

White people are the most selfish people I have met in my life.