I hate my therapist. Do I need a new one?

So ive been in therapy for cptsd for 6 months and have been making progress. About 4 months in my T interrupted me in the middle of the session and said that he thinks there may be an issue with our "fit" and he thinks he is triggering me because he's the same age as my dad. I told him it isnt a problem for me and i never even thought of that. He said he needed the week to think about it. This threw me into a panic all week triggering my abandonment issues. I was panicky and dissociating all week. The next week he brought a woman psychologist in to see if I was more comfortable with her and I told him that I never had a problem working with him, still don't and want to continue working with him. He agreed. So a few weeks ago he started bringing me in for my appt 15 minutes late and stil letting me out on time (so 35 min appts). Infact there's this new couple thats been getting out at 6:15 every week that I think he scheduled that overlaps with my slot. My slot starts at 6. He also seems really disinterested in my sessions lately. I feel he's being unprofessional and unethical and I think he's a coward. Any thoughts on this?

Hi Erie092807,

Yes, I do have some thoughts on that. Harmful therapies and unethical therapists are a "hot button" for me as I was harmed in my own therapy by therapists who were both unethical and ignorant.

IMO, your evaluation of your therapist is accurate. Yes, he is being unprofessional, unethical and a coward.

1. It's unethical of him to cut your session time, especially if he continues to charge you the same amount (in that case, what he does is simply outrageous and you can report him for that!)

2. It was unprofessional and cowardly of him to tell you that he needs to take time to think if you and he are a good fit. If he feels that he can't work with you, he should take responsibility for it. He should explain why he can't work with you and give you referrals. He should admit that this is his personal issue instead of being a passive-aggressive coward and treating you so disrespectfully as if you don't matter.

3. It was unethical of him to bring another person into your therapy session without your consent, whether that person was professional or not.

I am sorry that you have to deal with an unethical therapist. Consider confronting him about his behavior and seeing someone else if he doesn't change it. I also want you to know that if you ever want to report him, you have all the good reasons to do that. If you live in the US, I can tell you about my experience with reporting my own therapist if you want to.

WM

Thanks for responding. It baffles me that a psychologist who holds his phd could act in such a way.. I am paying for therapy, this should be about me improving... Not him and whatever issues this is bringing out in him. And the fact that he and his wife have a large practice with 10 clinicians working for them. I plan on confronting him this thurs at my appt. I'm planning on just ending it ... I don't think there's anything he cOuld say that could make me trust him... I will say I haven't been the perfect patient and have had Some seriousLy hateful transference toward Him recently..I will admit I've been a total bitch in the session when im not wanting to be there... But that was only a few times but it was recent so maybe it's in reaction to that.. Maybe he feels like i am abusing him so hes reducing the time as a reaction to that? I dont know... Im trying to make sense of it. I mean it's not right of me to be rude to him right? Arent i allowed to experience all sorts of emotions? I dont know lol! This is my first go around at therapy and boy this is not what I was expected! Lol! Thought??

It's not right to be rude to anyone, but patients often loose their control considerably in therapy because of transference issues, and therapists have to know how to handle that. If he doesn't know how to deal with your behavior, he has to take responsibility for it and to refer you to a more experienced/competent professional instead of playing the passive-aggressive games that he plays with you. Your rudeness is not an excuse for him to reduce your sessions' time. He can't do that ethically no matter what you do. Again, if he can't work with you, that's fine. He is not obligated to, but he should simply admit it and refer you out. As far as how you behave with him, he was supposed to address and discuss it with you in the way that is professional and therapeutic instead of acting out his anger in a passive-aggressive way as he is doing. After all, as a professional, he should know that people seek therapy because they have issues, not because they are healthy, so your issues can't be held against you if you are a patient. Therapists are supposed to work with their patients issues, not to blame them for having issues. And yes, therapists are also humans and they have limits as to how much they can handle, but it is their responsibility to know their limits and to refer the patient out when they feel they can't work with them anymore. And they should always own their limitations and not blame the patient if the therapy comes to a halt.

WM

Therapists will sometimes have issues of their own that will be triggered by a patient. It is their responsibility to see when that is happening and to seek their own support to work through their issues and to refer you on to someone who will be able to treat you appropriately. It is completely inappropriate that he is effectively avoiding you by not giving you your full therapy time. I certainly think that confronting him about this directly is the best course of action.

Hi all,

I agree with the above posts, and would like to add that one has to remember therapists self-select themselves to work in the profession and this has to do with many different reasons. It could be he has issues of his own, may have grown up in a family with issues, or has had strong experiences with people who have mental health concerns. Sometimes therapists feel better helping because the client makes them feel superior in some way, maybe even normal. Whatever, the reason, it is a therapist's responsibility to know why they entered the profession and to heal whatever wounds they may have, as these often contribute to issues of transference and countertransference. That said, there is little one can do about getting a therapist to solve his/her own issues before they begin to practice. In short, they need to have clinical supervision, and its definitely not the client/patient's role to make sure they get it...

I don't find it surprising that there are many practicing therapists at all levels who have not resolved their issues, some who have never addressed them... The biggest problem is with people who consider themselves authorities, as their egos get in the way of healthy growth (because this often stems from what we do after we admit to having an issue/dissatisfaction - its normal to have an issue/dissatisfaction, denying one has any issue is actually a sign there is something wrong...).

As a rule of thumb its best to stay away from large egos in treatment. You may want to pay attention to nonverbal behaviour to spot this: you can see this in the professional relations at the receptionist's desk, how people dress, etc. (I would also stay away from therapists who dress unconventionally for your culture, as this is often a sign of something not being right. Think about it, they're telling you I'M WAAAAY DIFFERENT!!! and its never good to find out why in treatment...) You may want to also stay away from cynics.

99% of the time, if something doesn't feel right, its best to talk about it. Changing therapists can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. Finally, in a polite way, make sure to get him to address and make amends for the time issue - this is highly unethical, especially if he is charging you a fee for service.

I am in the same boat. Finished with a therapist about 5 months ago and I still have negative feelings towards her. My mum died in April and it was around the time that I started to have feeling for my T, mainly as a result of my T being flirty and making eye contact with me. We are both not straight women and I explained to her in an email that I was having trouble with sessions since I had feelings for her. She wrote back and referred me to someone else; my mum had only been dead about 3 months, and she died very suddenly and unexpectedly.

I felt bad and abandoned by someone who I thought I could trust and ended up writing some really angry emails to my ex T about her conduct and how angry I felt about therapy in general.

Think therapy is quite dangerous to become too involved with, as a treatment, since the T will project their own unresolved issues onto the patient and could further damage the patient in the process.

I have not been in a relationship with anyone for some 13 years after a 4 years relationship ended with another women. My ex was a selfish cow who I know I have never forgiven for the spiteful and disrespectful way in which she treated me ! She was cruel and was a always disloyal and full of her own self importance. Yes, I do think that I was involved with an unempathetic narcissist who used me as a mate to go around bars with, whilst she looked for another sexual liaison.

Perhaps one-to-one talking therapies are not the best treatment option for everyone. I am going to try group therapy in future.

I am not surprised to hear that it is a large practice with many therapists. His name and reputation attract new clients to the practice and after a while he feeds them to his less popular therapists under him. That's what I think he may be doing here. It's what my recent therapist did to me, but she was more honest about it. She did some initial therapy for my PTSD and referred me to another therapist for maintainence. She did tell me she thinks that this therapist might be better for me in the long term, and I agree. And she has spent a LOT of time with me e.g. two hours and only billed the one hour she promised to get to the bottom of the issue.

Your therapist has lied to you about the process and made it out that it is an issue with you and your attachment. I would find another therapist because you can't change him back to what he was for you and you need someone supportive. Maybe someone at a different practice.

If it's not the scenario I described above, there are a number of reasons he might be trying to get you to go to a new therapist. He may be the one having counter-transference issues. He has a problem at home and has to reduce his schedule. Men are very reluctant to admit any weakness.

I agree with the other responses that your therapist has acted unprofessionally. I have found that with my own issues I MUST trust my therapist in order for any sessions to become productive. Besides the way your therapists have acted they are taking away that precious bond (trust) and I don't see how you can continue to get any positive results from a therapist who cannot be honest with you when the expect it from you.

Remember, these people work for you; to help you. You can decide to see and who not to see. If you are feeling uncomfortable with the relationship then choose another therapist who you feel more at ease with. I also encourage you to report any misconduct not only for your peace of mind but to keep this sort of thing happening to others. After all we are in this together to get help and not to be exploited or mistreated if that is the case.

Gosh. So sorry he's shorted you on time and acted this way. I don't think he was honest, but suspect he had an issue and didn't own it. He's certainly damaged whatever rapport was established early on. I'd be finding another T.