lonliness stings

a rough weekend with the holiday. three of my children were away, and the other three were upset they didn't get home. i started through the usual routine of thanksgiving as i do every year, but there was something different. as the house filled with the smell of pumpkin, warm bread and spices, i felt that usual lump in the pit of my stomach. i didn't run from it this time, but tried to take it in and deal with the emotions it brought. that was not so easy with family around. it made me feel very lonely and no where to go for comfort. had to rely on my own devices. it is hard to deal with all the aftermath and the things that creep into everyday life through sights, sounds and smells, especially at holiday time. after dinner i usually keep quite busy so i did up all the dishes and put all the food away while the rest cleared off to football games, movies and video games. my mother was following me around, but as long as i was working it didn't bother me. as i ended the routine with putting the food in the garage frig, it occurred to me that i was now stuck with my mom - not a good thing - so i promptly walked into the house and tore the stove and oven apart to clean it. my mom finally got tired and left. my house is sparkling and lovely and when i was through, i took a hot bubble bath and read. I really was chucking about cleaning the oven. what things we do to avoid those people that prick those haunting feelings the most.

I know how you feel b, hang in there.