Raped

I got raped when I was 17 years old over in Fiji, since then I've had all sorts of mental problems. I've been diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder and Psychosis. I feel like a bad person and I deserved what happened to me. I don't know if it is because he told me I deserved what happened to me and if I told anyone he would find me and kill me. That scared me a lot at that age. I haven't been well since. I believe people can read my mind and know what I'm thinking and know about the rape which is really humiliating for me. I try not to think about it. I used to get flashbacks. I don't anymore.

Caucus, you didn't deserve to be raped. You are not a Bad person. This is just a way abusers don't have to face what they are doing and accept responsability. It has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. It was not your fault. God is the only one who realy knows whats going on in your head. I used to think everyone was so much better than me because I was messed up, one day I realized I had more going for me than most. I don't fall apart over little things. We have been through hell friend. You went through that' and your still here. The truth is You are stronger than most people. Your still standing, I think your awesome and am very proud of you. by the way Jesus does to !!!

Thanks for the support and encouragement. It is something I need to get out of my head that I am a bad person. I feel really messed up to but you are right people are suffering worse than us out there. I've gotten into cutting and I need to stop doing that.

I'm sorry to hear you were raped. You are not a bad person and you did NOT deserve to be raped, no-one does. Are you seeing a therapist currently to help you through all of these issues?

Yes, I'm seeing a DBT therapist for my borderline personality disorder. He said he wants to get my emotions more stable before he starts therapy for the rape.

How has the therapy going so far? Have you felt like it is helping? Have you been doing it long?

The therapy is going well so far. I've been taking it for almost a year. The mindfulness has helped me regain my sense of reality without being off in another state of mind - if that makes sense and being taught how to be in wise mind helps me to make better decisions. So far it's helped a lot.

I'm glad to hear that the therapy is helping.
Sorry to hear of what happened, though. None of it was your fault, and I hope that it gets worked out in therapy!