I have lived life as a victim.. Now what!

I am new here and I want to write about what is happening in my life at the time.. I feel a little
uncertain to be trusting and not sure where to start. I feel like my life is falling around
me and I can't seem to find the way to pick up and move forward. I am stuck and it feels very
scary.. I am 63 years old and see that my life will change dramatically If I don't.. I go to sleep every night saying tomorrow will be different and it isn't. Laying in bed at night all seems to be possible and then the morning comes and I struggle to get out of bed. I used to be a productive, engaged person with
lots of energy and ideas and creativity and IT has just dissapeared.. I know that I have had trauma in my life as a child growing up in my family and I also served IN Viet nam and had training to prep for that , that was maybe more traumatic than the actual experience. I recently have had a seperation with
my wife of 2 months, away from my home and children that was huglely stressful for me and I returned
home to see that I am still struggling and nothing much has changed here. She still holds on for some sighn of growth or healing with me and I want to, and I feel out of control with my needs and inabilty
to rely on myself. To know that I am ok...I seem to blame her for everything and feel like I can't live
without her. That is pushing her further away and it creates of big cycle of fear and panic for me.
I see that we have had a relationship since the beginning based on victim/hero .. and it has develoed into abuser/hero.. me abuser( not physical/ sometimes verbal and) and she hero( which she has identified and has all but ceased.. The cease of her hero has left me feelling abandoned and alone feelng. I see that her heroing and saving me has not been supprotive of me or our relationshop, and for there to be growth and change its necessary. I just am finding it hard to feel safe at all in the world at this time..
Thats about as much as i can do at this point..

Hi ejcarr,

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. It's even harder around this time of the year.

Have either of you sought help for the issues you talked about?