I'm Not Thinking Straight

It's been a while since I've been here. Unfortunately, I have to post here again because I'm not thinking clearly.

I've been fluctuating between anger and happiness. Just a few minutes ago, I felt this extreme elation, which within a few seconds turned into rage. I've been through hell, which is probably why I'm malfunctioning. Writing this down helps clear my thoughts, but it doesn't completely solve the problem because I've done this before.

Both anger and happiness cause me to behave illogically. Even right now, I'm behaving illogically because I shouldn't be using the computer while my neighbors are sleeping (I type loud). However, I couldn't take it any longer. I really needed to post.

I'm about to post another topic on a related issue, but it's still a separate issue. I just thought I could clear my head by writing here.

Balanced diet and daily exercise make you feet and health. It is effect on your lifestyle and You can feel happy and fresh and then there is no question of anger or anything. You can enjoy your life. Just try this and make your life happy.

Sorry things are a struggle hon. Is there anything that set this off? Thinking of you and keep talking.

Cracked

Thanks, CrackedGirl. No, there is nothing in particular that has set this off. It happens every so often because I am still haunted by memories of the past. I am not sure of the reasons I get these bursts of giddiness. My therapist told me that I should just let these thoughts be there and they will go away. He says that if I try to stop them, they will persist. I'm not sure if he's right because I've tried it his way and it doesn't seem to get better.

I am sorry you are struggling so much hon. Thinking of you and keep posting. I hope things start to work out for you soon - you deserve to be feeling better than you are.

Cracked

It sounds like emotions of ANY kind are difficult to understand. I don't fully understand mine, either. I have had some abuse issues but I have a feeling you've been through more than that All I know is that when I'm really happy, I feel "weird", so I drink/use drugs. When I'm angry, same thing. When I'm sad, same thing. There's something about intense emotion that I just can't handle.

Does this seem to come and go in "waves"; that is, are you experiencing something that is somewhat seasonal or triggered at certain times? Or, is it always like this?

I wish I had some good advice, but I really don't have any. Just wanted to drop in to let you know that I'm thinking of you and I hope you feel better. You're not alone. Life is confusing; just hang in there

Hi Saemara,

I'm not sure what causes these swings in mood. However, I have noticed that whenever someone smiles at me, I feel an irrational sense of happiness. This is probably because I have experienced almost nothing but hostility from the people in this city, so whenever someone smiles, I feel elated. This is not good, and it must stop.

Also, I have very little to do in terms of taking action against the people who did this to me and to my ethnic group. For complex reasons, I can't get a full time job, and I've already tried everything to take action against these people.

I am trying to act like a machine at all times so I can function more efficiently, but sometimes, the anger is very difficult to control, especially since the guilty ones are still out there.

I'm also having trouble overcoming the brainwashing I've received throughout my life. I was always taught #######4 like "two wrongs don't make a right" and that I should never fight back. Strangers would always call me a troublemaker just because I defended myself.

There was one incident when I was on a message board, and I was claiming that someone had wronged me. He told me that I was "crying injustice" and that I was getting "hopping mad". Neither of these things were true. I was neither crying nor angry. I was just saying that someone had wronged me.

Those kinds of people make me very angry. I hate them. However, the sad thing is, his words actually did make me less able to fight back even when the situation called for it.

Call someone if you can. A lot of stuff happens in my head when Im alone. calling someone and talking to someone else can really help when I feel afraid or I need to protect myself. I also ride a bike. I go to 12 step groups. I write the steps out on paper.

I fall on my knees and pray.

a hobby of some kind can help when your ready for that.