I finally remembered

I can tell you something pretty sad and disturbing. I don't know what to do about it. I went through PTSD today and am still. I remembered being drugged with a rag to my face and I remember waking up on the bed being molested and being ragged again. this was between age 4 and 5. I can remember two occasions that this happened. I can't believe I blocked it out for this long. Its wierd its like there was always something there but I was unable to realize or understand what and remember. But now Im coping. And im not affraid anymore. I had to use all my self control not to go out and kill this person today and his whole damn family.
I had a lot of emotions today and broke down a lot withing the last 25 hours since I coped with it and reconized it and accepted it and then of course living it again and remembering more and more. I felt like I was going to dig myself into an early grave. I tell you it's horrible the things we go through.....
any thoughts im open for explaining some

I'm sorry that you had to uncover this, it sickens me that anyone can do this to a child. My PTSD is through abuse, sexual assault and rape as well, but for me it started when I was 16, ended at 21 (all different people).

I think the mind does not make you remember a trauma that happened to you until you are ready to start to deal with it, talk about it and heal from it.

I know there are things where I don't recall things when i was in an abusive relationship. The only time that I really remembered something is when I came across something that I wrote about him a long time ago, and that's when it hit me.

Flashbacks are a part of healing, even though they are scary as hell. Have you ever dealt with this through therapy?

For me I get body memories as flashbacks, I feel it in the body, the fear, being tense etc... I never had it like a movie going in front of my eyes...


I'm sorry you went through this, if you ever need to talk i'll lend an ear.

Take care of yourself.

No I never went to therepy for this because I just really remembered it. Well some of it came back a year ago barely anything just enough to know there was something there. but then I passed it off as a delusion and forgot again but It came back full swing. Now I feel changed. My will is saved. I feel like I can grow now. Although I feel I aged phsyically about ten years in the last two days.

I to was a victim of sexual assult and it atarted when I was 3 and diffrent times throgh out my life until I was raped at 16. I found out my parents new for 16 years and did not tell me. I was 19 when I remembered , caring my son. I always way afraid of men,but still engaged in relations. But reliving it all for the past 9 years have been difficult. So difficult in fact I have spent the last 6 yeears with a woman, altough we are split and I live with my son now. I am more leary so tramatic. I really dont want to be with anyone,trust no one. You know. So my heart goes out . and relate any good advice would be great. Cause I smoke pot to mask dealing with it, and my 9 year old is hating it