sleep problems

we have been having for...years, actually, come to think of it...problems going to bed at a normal time. like right now, it's after 5 am and we're JUST getting ready for sleep. granted, i wanted to go to sleep at 4 am, but my tummy disagreed with me.

anyway. when it comes time for sleep, it's just...i don't know. a lot of times *i* don't consciously feel fear. i just...avoid it. i know there is no way on this earth i could go to sleep between 9-midnight because in that time period is when my dad would come in and abuse me. generally before 11, as my mom got off work at 11:30, i think. but still.

night-time is bad to us. we're living with our aunt and she's toxic as well. we lock our door, but she constantly questions us and keeps trying to pressure us to leave it open at night. there is no effing way we could sleep with the door even unlocked, never mind open. it doesn't matter what i say. she knows i have ptsd [although she does not know i'm multiple...no one in my family knows]. i've told her repeatedly it's the only way i feel safe, and she still brings it up.

so we also don't feel safe with her in the apartment, either, and want to get out of here asap. i have tried moving my bed [well...technically i sleep on the floor i don't particularly want my bed from my parents' house, it's actually the same bed i was molested in ], i have tried coloring or holding stuffed animals, or letting someone else come out...

and lissabeth does actually help--she's our angel in training and even though she's only 7, we feel safe with her around. safe against the bad, dark things.

but we STILL can't sleep! and then if i go to sleep, i either sleep like a rock and still feel unrested, or i keep waking up. especially because the people above us are noisy as hell and my ears are super-sensitized to every freaking noise. i can hear their conversations sometimes, they're so loud. it's ridiculous.

but yeah. anyone got any other ideas on how we can go to sleep at a decent hour? [between midnight and 2 am?] not being able to sleep until basically morning is a really bad idea and creates new problems...because if we wait too late, i can't sleep very well when it's going light outside.

this is so frustrating. i'm tired of not being able to sleep. my dad's 5 miles away. how could he even get here? and then even when i do go to sleep, i keep having nightmares/bad dreams about it or related things.

I am so sorry you are having problems with this. Lack of sleep is horrible, I have problems with it too. There are simple things you can do - google sleep hygiene for that. I find having something on the radio or TV helps me feel safer for some reason and also reading before I go to bed makes me feel sleepy. I def cuddle my cuddly toys too. Are you having any help with the underlying issues tho as that is going to be where the help will really come from. The other thing to consider is a short course of sleepers to see if that could kick start a sleep pattern tho it would need to be a short course as in the main they are addictive.

Cracked

thank you. i shall try googling that. i know i keep running across "keep bedroom for sleep only," but i can't do that...i can't spend the rest of the day out of my room because my aunt would run me ragged with the stuff she'd want me to do, and we couldn't spend that much time around her...she's already made us split. :/ and i like being in my room, it's got all my stuff. i might try putting something on, like music or something real soft...i know like on the computer there's the infinite loop website, where you can put something on play and it will just repeat continuously, which we like. The TV might help, but i don't have one in my room...it's in the living room and from that distance, it would probably make me freak out someone had broken in.

right now, i'm not, no. i was, but it was through the school's counseling center and when i graduated...erp, no more therapy for you, basically. which my therapist felt bad about, actually...she didn't want to stop cuz she knew i wasn't ready to stop, but she had to. and since then, i haven't seen anyone 'cause well...i'm very anxious and wary about therapists, i've had 4 therapists so far, and only one was good...and they've sorta followed the maxim of: when they were good, they were very good, but when they were bad, they were awful. just with the ptsd/trauma stuff, i haven't ever actually mentioned dissociation except in passing. so it's kind of sad when people can't even properly handle ptsd without mucking it up badly. (to the point of telling me it was my fault ) anyways. i've considered sleeping pills, but i don't know...i tend to get addicted to things pretty fast...maybe i could find a natural sort of sleep remedy, though? or something like that? i don't know what all is good for sleep, i'll have to google that, too...

I think tracking down a new therapist esp one who specialises in your issues would be useful. But in the meanwhile try the sleep hygiene and also talk to your Dr about sleeping aides if you think it would help.

Thinking of you

Cracked

Hi there.
I went through this too. It was SO hard. I went from sleeping pill to sleeping pill and nothing worked for a long time. I was even given chloral hydrate with no benefit.
What helped me was #1 being patient with myself. Your trauma wants your attention, like a wound that needs tending. So try not to get angry with yourself.
#2-sort out the nightmares. I can share with you some techniques that worked really well for me. Those nightmares are there to tell you something that needs to be acknowledged. Once your clever brain feels that you are consciously giving it the attention it DEMANDS ( ) then it will let go and let you sleep.
In the mean time, hun,....eat well. Make your sleeping space for sleep only. No reading, no Tv, just the most calm warm and inviting space that you can.
I am here for you hun, it is such a crazy place to be, I recall it well, but it WILL end I promise.
Even though you may not be sleeping, you are resting, and the body needs that too.
With Hope,
One

I'm sorry to hear about your living situation with your aunt. It kinda reminds me of what my situation was like when I lived with my mother. As a suggestion for you to feel safer from her some of the time, you might like to go and hang out in public libraries or something like that to avoid some of her abusive ways if it helps...

I can certainly relate to your problems sleeping... Perhaps you can ask those that have conversations to be quieter about it when you are trying to sleep. We find that can be a problem sometimes too. In terms of the sleep hygiene thing, that can certainly be hard to achieve whilst you live in an abusive situation and are using your room in order to avoid that most of the time...

Also I think it would be helpful as well to see if you can find a therapist specializing in trauma and dissociation to help you. It makes the process a lot easier if you have someone that understands dissociation in particular.