Do you, fellow abuse survivors, hate abusers?

Hate is a very soft word to describe how I feel towards my abusers.

As to whether I feel sorry for them? I have no sympathy for psychopaths, and as for the the strangers who abused me, I simply do not give a **** if they had another diagnosis. I have more diagnoses than anyone I've met but I don't go around raping people, nor will I.

This question is too vague and too general for me to answer because I believe that each individual situation is unique. For me it's not just a matter of what kind of attitude you chose to take toward abusers.

Firstly, abusers like all other people are different and the abuse that each one of us has experienced is unique. Many factors play role here: our relationship with the abuser, our resilience, the circumstances in which it took place, what kind of help we sought with it (if any), whether the abuser took responsibility and tried to repair the damage they've done and many other factors. It's always contextual, there are no precisely defined guidelines that tell us who the abusers are and what attitude to take toward them.

Secondly, every human being, each one of us has the abuser inside. What we do with it is a different story. If we are responsible people, we will make our best effort not to let our abusive part get the best of us and turn us into abusers. But we have to face the reality that we won't be able to control ourselves perfectly all the time. That's why each one of us hurts other people every once in a while in some way up to some extend. None of us can say that we've never hurt anyone in our lives. That doesn't necessarily make us abusers, but it does show that each one of us has a potential to abuse others and we don't usually like to admit it.

WM

While I do not hate abusers, I hate their actions. As others have noted though, they are also sick, and have their own reasons for abusing which, at the time, make sense to them.

However I believe that hate is poison for the soul and ultimately, is not conducive to a healthy recovery.

I realize this is an old thread but I'm gonna reply anyway.

Yes, I HATE ABUSERS. With a passion. I hate people that hurt anyone weaker than them. I despise people that abuse animals. They make me sick to my stomach. I don't care if they were abused themselves. I was abused and I don't act like that. I have zero sympathy or pity for them. I don't care if hate is poisonous. Call me poisoned.

I will never forgive my abusers. They were my parents. My dad is dead, and I look forward to when my mother dies. I feel I will never be free until they are both gone from this earth.

To me, forgiveness is meaningless if they haven't apologized. It's almost like letting them off the hook for it. As if I'd said to them, "Well, you really screwed up but, hey, whatever..." !

If she apologized I would feel vindicated, which might be nice, but I will still never forgive either of them. They completely ruined my childhood, and turned me into a fearful, anxious, terrified, dis-trustful, ashamed, guilt-ridden, rage-filled basket-case who can't form relationships with people, who can barely leave her house, who is basically waiting to die. Thanks mom and dad!

I had a nice childhood, no abuse. Lucky me It shouldn't be lucky me, it should be the same for everyone. When I hear about or think about people who deliberately harm children I get angry. I think child abusers should be tortured and then killed and then thrown in raw sewerage to die. They have no place in this beautiful world. Then I feel sad, because doing all this revenge does not bring back people's lost childhood.

When I think about my (adult) bully who deliberately harmed me mentally and emotionally, who took away years of my life so far and caused incredible suffering, and who will always get away with it because the bully is so clever and practiced when it comes to this type of thing; I feel something deeper than hate and I want the bully out of my head. I remember that once I trusted the bully and what was done with that trust. It felt like I was psychologically raped, I screamed inside my head and was unable to get out.

I do not care to know what happened to my bully in childhood to make such an adult monster. I do suspect that nothing happened, that the bully is just a sadist.

I'm not above occasional thoughts of vigilantism.

Do I hate my abusers? Yes. With a passion. And I love my hate. If I could take it out I would: I'd take it out, kiss it, and put it back in for serving me well.

I try not to hate anyone, "Love everyone you've never met, but not everyone you have." - Me. Hate requires emotional 'cpu cycles' be spent stoking the fire of that hate to maintain it. The way we heal and move on is when forgive, forget, and adapt. But the one man who abused my mother way back is still the only name on me and my brother's 'KOS list.' (KOS = kill on sight, term from computer gaming.) If we encountered him here in Missouri, since this happened back in California, it'd be because he's here to mess with Mom so being a threat, it'd be bad for him. But I don't feel hate for him so much as have a preplanned response to his presence.

Though I 'let go,' even the Jedi I took that sentiment from carried light sabers to deal with threats.

Well. I hope you are aware some abusers enjoy the hate of their victims.

Yes. I'm aware of that. Some days I'm angrier than other days -that must have been a bad one.