could it be PTSD?

This is my first time ever posting on here, and I figure I'd give it a shot.

Anyway, my problems started about six months ago. It seems to correlate with a change in work environment. You see, I was working as a corrections officer in a medium security facility, and stayed there for nearly two years. I saw my share of incidents, some worse than others. The worst I recall was a major disturbance where shots were fired and several inmates were taken out by ambulance. However, aside from feeling some normal exhaustion after these incidents, I felt relatively ok. I had no fears about going into work, although I did start to dislike my job and my workplace more and more as time went on. Due to my dissatisfaction with the management and the facility itself, I requested a transfer to another facility.

The second place I worked was a maximum security institution. I thought it would be a positive change for me, since the place would be run more orderly and incidents could be more easily contained. Boy was I wrong. I was very quickly exposed to chemical munitions, cell extractions (where they literally drag someone kicking and screaming out of a cell), feces-throwing, fights, and constant struggles to maintain some kind of discipline.

I started getting more anxious as the weeks wore on. I found myself sitting there, even when nothing was happening, thinking "what if?". I would sit and think "oh God, please let this be a quiet shift", or "oh man, what's going to happen tonight?". On my days off, I would worry and dread my next shifts, hoping I could trade them for something that might be a little quieter. Before work, I would get this overwhelmed feeling, and often break down in tears. It got to the point where I had to take a dose of clonazepam before going to work, and then another one during my shift. This was done just so I could stay there without totally freaking out. After a couple months of that, I reached a breaking point. I made a relatively minor error at work that was compounded by several other people simply neglecting to do their jobs. I didn't get in too much trouble for it, but I was sufficiently scared by it that I immediately contacted my doctor, who agreed that I should go on medical leave.

Since then, I have tried several types of antidepressants, most of which just gave me unbearable side effects. Most days, my mood is fairly low, and I have mostly lost interest in the activities I used to do before all this started. I cry frequently, and many days wonder if I would be better off dead. I don't have much energy either-- any attempt to get out and socialize with others takes a lot out of me. I also keep having these intrusive thoughts about the horrible things I had to endure at work, especially when I go to bed. I also get very anxious whenever something reminds me of work, whether it be a conversation, an image, sound, etc.

Right now, my doctor and psychiatrist say it's clinical depression with a large anxiety component. What I'm wondering about is could I actually have PTSD? What confuses me is that I thought in order to have PTSD there must be one traumatic event to point to. With me, it was just a big, long, traumatic process. Anybody have any input on this?

I am sorry you are going through this. And I am glad there are professionals involved. I am not a professional but to my understanding you can have PTSD from more than one trauma. Tho your experiences could all be grouped together as one big horrible experience. Have you mentioned PTSD to your Dr? I think this would be a sensible thing to do. One more thought is that if you are having to taake benzos to go to work do you think you need consider a change in jobs? I know it is a big thing to consider but just a thought.

Cracked

Thank you for your concern, crackedgirl. I have not mentioned PTSD to my doctor per se, but I'm interested to see what the psychiatrist's report contains, when my doctor receives it. I had my consultation with the psychiatrist a couple weeks ago, so we'll see... I might mention it to the doctor though... might be helpful.

As for changing jobs, I wholeheartedly agree with you! As it has been explained to me, when I start feeling better I will be eligible for what they call "accommodation". This basically means I show them my limitations as set forth by a doctor, and they put me in a position that I will be ok in. The nice thing is that being the government, they can put me pretty much anywhere. At this point I'll do almost any other job... Hell, if they want me to drive trucks or whatever, I'll gladly do it... As long as I'm out of that environment.

The only thing is, what are my limitations? I know that's a question best answered by my doctor but still... It's hard for me to come out and say "oh I can't do this, this and this". It's not like say, a back injury, where the limits are clear and well defined. Right now all I know is I can't be around violence, shouting, or continual conflict. Those kinds of things just kind of set me off...

I def thin it would be reasonable to mention PTSD to your Dr. They can always check with the psych for queries. As for changing jobs that seems a good idea, just trust your Dr to decide what your limitations are. Good luck.

Cracked

thanks

You are welcome

Cracked