Why can't I say I am a survior?

Sitting in therapy this wk I was trying to piece together who I was and who I am now. The split is so big I can't seem to intergrate the 2 of us. I did manager for a while to own my feelings and say "I felt terrified" instead of keeping my feelings seperate from me. As I was talking my therapist said "Yes and you survived" TO actually say that brings up fear inside of me. I don't understand why? ITs like I am living 2 paralle lifes and they keep getting mixed up with each other and just as I think I have untangled them, I lose it. Why can't I see myself as the adult I am today, the adult who was that child??

Essex, I found it hard to call myself a surivivor, sometimes I still don't believe it, but I am and so are you. You are here now, you are not in those situations anymore, you survived it.

Your t is right sometimes it's hard to agree with her/him on this because you could still feel guilt or shame about it.

Hang in there, you are talking about it, and that's a postive step to healing.

SADGIRL. Your reply kept going over in my mind last night. I never realised that I felt Guilt. I think this guilt is still driving me now. It helped me understand that little bit more that its not "her/me" that I hate its the feelings of guilt "She/I" carry. Thank you its help me release just a little more of that guilt!!

You are welcome hon. I can completely understand what you are going through as I did myself for many many years.

I'm guilt free now, which is amazing as I always blamed myself for what happened.

I'm here if you ever need to talk.