Help me before I lose it completely

Dear BrokenLearningHealing.

Memories that seem to flood you can be very intense and scary. Can you call your T and explain that this is something that has come on full force and you are unable to cope?

As for memories that all of a sudden show up, in the forum of flashbacks, it is a part of healing. You remember them when your ready to deal with them, therefore heal. Doesn't seem like part of the healing process but it is. I know it's hard, believe me.

I don't get flashbacks in the form that you maybe expierencing when I get flashbacks about the abuse, rape, assualts etc they come in the form of body memories. Which is also a flashback, and I didn't know that until a year or so ago. So I can relate. I get triggers all the time that will bring up the past. Like for today for example, I watch a movie and it just triggered me so badly, but yet even though I wanted to cover my face I still felt compelled to watch it.

There are some good books out there that help deal with abuse issues etc, and memories.

I've got 2 books that have helped tremendously, i'd be happy to give you the authors if you are interested?

Hang in there my friend, I know it's hard but it will get better, it did with me. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I'm here if you need to talk.

I would suggest that you definitely contact your therapist and let him/her know the severity of what you're experiencing. Your therapist might need to see you before your next regularly scheduled appointment.

Also, if you trust your family physician, talk to him/her confidentially and get their response. These providers deal with a wide range of issues that patients present, many of them emotionally sensitive, and can often surprise you with their suggestions. Then too, it's bringing yet another professional into your support network.

It goes without saying that you should NOT act on your impulse to kill your child's abuser. It sounds like you know this, and are simply struggling with the fury felt by a parent whose child has been harmed. To help deal with your anxiety and anger, if you are physically able and there is no medical reason you cannot, then get some strenuous exercise: jogging, hard swimming, raquetball, a pick-up game of basketball, etc. It can be very beneficial in bleeding off some nervous energy and anxiety, and will also help your sleep.

I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD and clinical depression with a dash of panic disorder as well...I use to rationalize and say to myself...
" statue of limitations" these events should not be bothering me
for, they were so long ago....I said that to myself for years and years...
Until I had a major breakdown...ever since the breakdown,
I have been on tremendous amounts of medication...
I was interviewed from a diagnostician, he brought out what happened to me, from the "criminals" of my past....

I finally excepted that, I was severely abused and I am a victim...
not a loser, not a lunatic, a VICTIM...I am a survivor...
I am going into therapy, finally, I am now seeing why I isolate,
rescue people, shut down emotionally, and do not even think of myself as a worthy person or, part of...
I think "recovery" is the best form of revenge... I think anyone who has SUFFERED like this should seek revenge from getting better...
The abusers are just that, "abusers" rhymes with LOSERS, I hate them, and I love them...
and they are not going to take my life....no no...I can tell I am getting better already...YOU MUST TALK ABOUT IT!!! CBT Therapy,
{Cognitive behavioral Therapy} is very good... coupled with a medication therapy, you can S**T kick those memories and events
and finally reclaim your life...DON'T WAIT LIKE I DID...it is 30 years later...and I am FINALLY getting help...I am seeing how these terrible events and PTSD have screwed up my life, just fine...30 years later!!!..I beg of you, do NOT put this on a back burner like I did... GET HELP...and talk about your feelings...