Difficulty recognizing Flashbacks

I've had a lot of difficulty recognizing my flashbacks for what they are and I'm wonderng if anyone else as had a similar experience. I was traumatized as a kid in a lot of different ways: abusive/sadistic parents, teachers, bullies etc, attackers, repeated car accidents, etc. My PTSD was only diagnosed 3 years ago, after I went into therapy to treat depression and bullimia.

I had all the other symptoms: nightmares, (including aggressive behaviour while sleeping), hypervigilence (especially when walking down the street as if prepared for an attack), being triggered in certain places or while doing certain activities related to cars, parents, bullies etc.

After 3 years of therapy, I felt safe enough to open up to my therapist and disclose a set of symptoms that I had been keeping secret because I thought it just made me totally nuts: on a lot of really stressful days I would be in a kind of daze, not very present, and experience loud, sharp memories of times in my life when I felt ashamed or embarrassed. They became frequent and bothersome about 5 years ago, but I didn't talk about them to anyone. The reason wasn't because of the memories themselves, but because when I experienced them, I would often shout or yell back at the perceived attacker in the memory, and I would be shouting before I even knew what I was doing: before I "came back." I thought it was psychosis or tourettes or something. My therapist had me keep a journal of these experiences and told me they were flashbacks. On a bad day they happen constantly, and I'm inside memories as much as I'm present. I seem to have tunnel vision while they happen, and the outside world kind of recedes into the distance.

Does anyone else relate to this? It's odd that my flashbacks are about everyday experiences that "seem" traumatic, instead of being memories of the actual trauma (which I've mostly only remembered since starting therapy).

I know this board is sleepy, but anyone?

To open the question up more, what are flashbacks like for you? Do you see or hear things? Are you flooded with feelings?

Hi, Son! Flashbacks can just be feelings, memories and anxiety for some people.
Maybe those everyday experiences triggered feelings you had about your past trauma and it's those experiences you remember because they are milder and less scary, maybe your mind is sort of trying to protect you.

I think that's really insightful. Thanks Jasmin!!

You're welcome! How are you doing?

I'm hanging in there Jasmin

Just a rough time in my treatment. I'm lucky to be going to therapy weekly, and am 2 years into the process. My therapist and I have totally dismantled the old, destructive coping system I had pieced together as a child/adolescent and now all my memories of abuse and the intense feelings are present constantly. It's rough. Somehow I had blocked all of the memories and feelings out, and when they started surfacing I developed complusive behaviors like bulimia or drinking.

Now I just have the feelings and memories sitting next to me and I try not to push them away. Some weeks I have almost no flashbacks and am really happy! Some weeks I have them every 15 seconds, all day long lol. I'm sure it'll ease up with time, just hard not to feel kind of lost in it at the moment.

Oh, and thanks for asking! Hope you're well. Are you in treatent for PTSD?

I'm glad you got rid of the old, unhealthy coping methods, good for you. It must have been really tough. What are new ways to cope that you and your therapist are coming up with?
Nope, I'm not in therapy but hopefully I will be some day, thank you for asking.

When I recognize that I'm feeling anxious or am raging, I practice breathing: slowly count to 8 as I exhale and then count to 4 when I inhale. This lowers the oxygen in your body and tricks it into relaxing. It's actually pretty helpful because you can do it anywhere anytime. Also I start using positive self-talk. Things like, "This is just anxiety, I'm OK. It'll pass." Kind of forgiving myself for feeling distressed.

Also, when rage feels close to the surface, and I'm home, I beat a pillow as hard as I can. It sounds silly, but helps get the physical tension out, and isn't destructive. Yoga and lifting weights helps this too.

When I space out and "go away" I practice grounding: usually I try to mentally name 3 different things for each sense in the immediate surroundings: 3 things I can see, hear, feel etc. This is still really hard because the depersonailzation and amnesia are very automatic. I'm not sure why PTSD isn't classified as a dissociative disorder because these symptoms are constant for me... and why I hang out in the DID forum

It's still difficult to be "OK" with feelings. As far as I know, I didn't really feel any feelings until about a year ago... I was so numb. Now I feel them, and these techniques help me not totally freak out!

Therapy, and finding an informed therapist, has been key. I hope it works out for you too Jasmin!

Those sound like really helpful techniques! I'm glad you found your therapist (yep, I'll find one too), you're going to have control over this some day and come out on the other side Any flashbacks recently?
The intense feelings won't last forever. Even though I haven't had proper counseling, there was a time when my memories and feelings were very intense too, but the more I talked about them with someone who cared, the easier the whole situation became to manage. It will get better.

Yeah, I get a lot of flashbacks some days. Today and yesterday I know I've had lots. Somehow I've managed to get them to be really quick episodes. Like a photo that's flashed in front of me really quickly. I always "snap" myself out of it and then do the grounding technique. The subway/commuting/walking around triggers them.

I can't wait until it gets quiet inside in a real way. Glad to hear it gets easier!