is this normal??? help

I dont know whats happening to me at the moment. In therapy iv been dissociating and then i find it really hard to breathe and last time my vision went funny. I have to do all these grounding techniques with her, its really embarrassing.
then the other night i had this nightmare, where i could feel what i was dreaming about happening. Then when i woke up i was really hot and sweaty, and my body went rigid and my arms and legs started jerking like i was having a seizure. My docs not worried about epilepsy. I think its psychological. but is it normal for this sort of thing to happen? im scared because i dont know whats happening to me anymore, its like my minds taking over my body

Hi Nellie,
To me it sounds like PTSD type stuff. Sounds like your doc is thinking along those lines as well.
Our bodies can do some strange and amazing things when it thinks that we are in danger. Unfortunately right now your mind is telling it that you are. During fight or flight you can get physiological responses can range from changes on heart rate and blood consistency to altered level of consciousness.
I've been having some PTSD symptoms lately as well and I can relate with you. Mine have involved my sleep and hearing. It is almost the point that all I hear is the bloody ringing in my ears and feel the horrible pressure in my head.

thanks, i guess i just dont know whats happening to me anymore. and the seizure like thing was abit freaky but apparently it can be associated with ptsd and dissociative disorders. hmmmm. im just abit worried what will happen next, of if it happens infront of someone or in therapy, i feel bad freaking her out too

I don't know if anyone can diagnose PTSD symptoms over an Internet forum chat. In that regard, you aren't going to get a satisfying answer to your main question. I will say this, when you said you feel like your mind is taking over your body, I will have to raise my hand up high for that feeling. It's no fun. What has your therapist advised you to do? Perhaps I can assist you by reinforcing that advise? I know it's not the most satisfying thing to hear...that I am going to repeat something that you already know. But give it a whirl. At the very least, you'll give me some new ideas.

well i was diagnosed with ptsd years back. but my therpist says she thinks i dissociate. she didnt know about the fitting, but said she'll look it up, but thinks it could be associated with the dream i had if it was a vivid dream.

Nellie,
I have the sort of PTSD with dissociation. To have that does not mean (or doesn't have to mean) that you have other personalities. It simply means that when you flashback to the abuse, you are not present in the here and now. You are back in that time and place that it happened. Some people, like me can get so wrapped up and fully involved in the flashback that you can regress to the age that you were during the particular abuse. For instance if I had heavy abuse at age 6 for instance and started flashing back to a particular incident that happened to me at age 6, then I would act like I was 6 and think I was 6 and not realize that I had grown up and it wasn't happening anymore. That would not be a different personality, just me at that age as a very hurt little girl trapped in a horrible incident.

I hope something in that helps. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Tristin

Well, said Cinderella. I never knew why I had episodes of profound fear, shame and guilt. Also, if I felt like I was ever being "attacked" by peers and at work, I would have this profound emotional response. Thankfully, I knew that it was not normal to express this as I got older so it did not considerably impact my career. Though, there was a time in my life when I was looking down the abyss...definitely. The one thing that saved me was I knew to get help from others. I did evolve a surrogate set of parents throughout my life. The thing that derailed my coping mechanism was that I moved back closer to home after being away for twenty years. Then it all bubbled out of control. Now, I am in the process of piecing it all back together.


My dad tried to pull some bs on me yesterday. The short story was that my dad had a heart attack right next to me. I picked up his lethargic body and raced him to the emergency room. His vitals crashed about 10 minutes after we arrived. After a long course, he survived. Well, whenever I bring up his abuse, he will switch the conversation to his bad heart. So, on Friday he got an echocardiogram, and he practically shoved the report in my face when i was talking about my flashbacks with my mother. I looked at the report and it was basically normal. I told him, "that is a good report. Congratulations you got a good heart. That's how fast I got you to the emergency room. You can now consider us even.". He wanted to know what I meant by that. I repeated, " we are even". He had the same look on his face that I had each time he emasculated me. It felt good. It was totally unplanned and I almost blurted it out. He has got to get used to the fact that I am not that same boy riddled with fear, guilt, and shame anymore.

Good for you lottery! I'm glad you got a little piece of comeuppance. Someone said something to me a few weeks ago that I think about some times when I think about people who abuse others. She said to me "Tristin, I like to imagine that all of the abusers of children and those who like to beat up on anyone weaker than them-- that on the day of their conviction they will have their skin(all of it) turned permanently neon green. That way when they walk about in prison or when they get out, the whole world will know what they are and natural order will take place." I know this sounds sick but after she said that, I smiled and felt much better for the day.

i dont feel like i have different personalities, i mean i behave differnetly in different situations ie at work im like a different person because i have my 'professional' hat on, and as soon as im out of work im just me again and thats worse. when i dissociate i dont even know that i go back to my past, i mean i sometimes see things in my head, but mostly i just feel like i cant breathe, and thats all.
i dont want to be like them, i dont like to get angry, or try and make them feel bad, i just dont want anything to do with them

Yea, I hear that. I am actually having a pretty rough day. I've been letting them play out like my psyche said...going on 3 hours now. Got some new images now...real fun stuff. Doing that to my dad was spontaneous...so, in that sense, I don't want to make them sad or angry. It just happened. But it doesn't help because we still have all those lost moments of happiness. We also have the ongoing stuff. I still want something to do with my mom. She lived in denial and that was her only crime. I lived in it too. My brother is out completely. He learned to prey upon my weaknesses for his own benefit...he has no conscience. And my dad, well, we are even.

I am feeling short of breath as well. Misery loves company. Isn't PTSD great! Thanks dad!