Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Dog of the Gaps wrote:

I wish the people who hurt me all of those years, knew what they did to me.

This would probably be better than what I sometimes want to do to them, in the midst of my flashbacks. Sometimes I do think about looking them up ... I'm sure I could find an email address or two ... and mentioning it to them. No real point, and I doubt anyone remembers any more except me and the girls.

Over the years, I've run into many of the people who treated me unfairly back in JH/HS, and I was surprised to find out that a few of them have grown up and are no longer total a**holes. When I seen them, they treated me as if we had been the best of friends back in high school. It was weird and it actually upset me, because I wanted to say, "Do you not remember how bad you treated me? You destroyed my life!" But I will never say that, because as you wrote, it would most likely do nothing, nor help the situation. Those people don't remember what they did to us, nor do they realize the extent of the damage they caused us.

It's really tough to let it go, but we'll get there one day. Keep on truckin'. Sorry, that was lame. I don't know why I wrote "keep on truckin'." Sorry.

Later on,
AJ

I found the email address of one of the teachers who connived while the bullies molested my female classmates. I asked her if she had really done nothing, and why. Or if she had punished the abusers secretly, and if so, why was it kept a secret when it gave such a strong impression that the school tolerated sexual harassment.

Well, I sent her the email. She replied that she won't have a conversation with someone who is anonymous. I said okay, never mind, and that is that. I will probably hate her forever.

I have found these boards excellent, and very helpful.
There have been many labels pinned on my condition since I first collapsed. That was in 1976, when it all just got too much for me.
One of those labels, and the one that has remained, is PTSD. How can they use that if there is no known abuse.
In all the studies I have done, "emotional agoraphobia" is closer. If that is an actual label, or just a set of symptoms.
I was stuck in a situation that couldn't be controlled by me, and there was no escape! This was my life during my teens, caring for 3 siblings, in a difficult circumstance, and there was no one that could, or would, help. I have no real memories of that period, or any other period, of my life when I was younger. Emotionally, there are signs of abandonment issues, probably due to the death of my dad, at age 11. He was my reality, we spoke the same language, understood each other. After his death, I was completely "alone" in that there was never another person I've been able to connect with.

In 1976 my siblings left and I had a complete breakdown. Life was a rollercoaster of therapy, meds and more therapy. In and out of hospitals, and rehab.

For the last ten years, I just go through the motions. Do the best I can, but still at odds with others, and myself.

Thanks...........