Meeting girls and telling them about my PTSD

I have PTSD from something that happened to my when I was very young. Although the memories of the initial event(s) are still completely repressed, I have been able to work through my PTSD to the point where it no longer really bothers me much. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago, and since then it has become less and less of an issue for me. I almost never have any sort of emotional flashback, in fact I almost never even think about it any more.

The one time it still bothers me is with girls. It isn't a huge deal, I just get a little stressed out and can feel a very mild emotional flashback, and suddenly would rather just stop what I'm doing than continue. This really isn't that big of a deal, but the thing is, it freaks girls out. I feel like this would all just go away if I could find a girl I trust and just take it nice and slow with her, I think I would start to feel safe pretty quickly and after a while this wouldn't be an issue for me any more.

The problem is that when I meet a nice girl, it always gets to the point where I need to tell her about this or else I won't feel safe, and most girls do not react well. I try and just explain it calmly and say that it isn't that big of a deal any more but I just need the girl to know about it in order for me to feel safe, but most girls get freaked out and pretty much want nothing to do with me any more. I try and be very selective about which girls I try and open up to, I only do it with girls that seem very nice and trustworthy, but still, most of them just do not know how to respond and would rather just not deal with it.



For the longest time I have just sort of been ignoring girls, but I'm so tired of being alone. This past week I met an amazing girl. She was here for a week from Australia visiting my roommates and I pretty much fell in love with her. I told her all about this and it didn't make things weird it just made me feel closer to her. I felt safe and I trusted her and I really felt like if she was around longer and I had more time to spend with her I could pretty much get over the trouble i have with girls. After I was diagnosed, and I was still having some emotional flashbacks during normal interactions with people, I didn't shy away from them, instead I tried to put myself out there more and interact with more people and face my problems head on, which did help me get to the point where I no longer feel weird dealing with people. I'd like to do the same thing with girls, but its so hard because I need them to know all this about me before I can feel safe. I fooled around with this girl a little bit, and although it was fun, I got stressed out after a while and had to tell her to stop, but it wasn't a big deal at all, I just wanted to stop and so we did and I still felt incredibly safe with her, and it wasn't weird at all.

She said if she lived in this country she would have loved to have dated me and taken it slow, but she's gone now. I can't blame her, she has her own life to lead, and I wish her the best, but I am struggling so hard right now.

Things were just so natural and easy with her and I just felt so safe and like she just got me, even apart from this, our senses of humor and everything just clicked. It doesn't hurt that she's absolutely gorgeous either, lol.




At the time I felt happy and loved and safe and everything I've been missing for so long, but now that shes gone, I just feel so hopeless. I know that there are more girls out there like her, and I'd like to meet one, but right now, it just seems like such a daunting prospect to try and go out there and meet girls and try and find another one like her because I know in order to do that I'm going to have to open myself up to a bunch of girls and will most likely get rejected and hurt by most if not all of them.

I'm sick of being alone, but I just don't know if I have it in me to open myself up to that kind of hurt again. I have met other girls in the past that were not very caring or understanding when I told them about this. I told myself that if I want to get over this I have to be willing to get hurt before I find the right girl, but right now I just don't think I have it in me.




Has anyone else dealt with this? I honestly feel like I am so strong and like I have just about beaten my PTSD, and this last little bit is just ######6 with me, not because its that big of a deal, but because the way girls react turns it into a big deal.

This is all made a lot more difficult by the fact that because of having PTSD for pretty much my whole life (as long as I can remember) I do not have the best social skills and am often not very good at talking to people, especially girls, so its hard for me to even meet that many. I've been getting progressively better at dealing with people over the past 7 years, but am sometimes still not the greatest.



To anyone who actually read all that, thanks.

YES... I have been through this. and oh my it is so so hard .

This is what my Doc told me:
Don't spill everything at the same time... just a little bit at a time... this way you won't overwhelm them. It's ok to communicate an emotion -I feel uncomfortable- without pulling out the entire song and dance coupled with a diagnosis.

Slowly reveal the entire situation... I think sometimes it is the SHOCK of the revelation that scares people away... not the revelation it's self.

Huh, Ill have to think about that.

I'm not sure about only telling a little bit at a time. I think that may work better for a girl than a guy. I'm guessing you're a girl? I think its sort of "normal" for girls to want to take it slow so guys won't demand much explanation if the girl wants to slow down, but any time I've told a girl I needed to slow down she immediately asked what was wrong and if it was something she did, then it seems like each answer just leads to another question and before I know it I'm trying to explain the whole thing to her so she doesn't get the wrong idea.

I do think for most girls it is the shock and also that they just dont know that much about it and dont understand. I think it is bound to be shocking since it always seems like there comes a time when I need to tell them not that long after meeting them, within a couple weeks.

So far I've been afraid they wont really understand unless I explain it all to them. I don't go into details about what happened or anything or how I used to act before I got a handle on this, but I do feel the need to explain how it affects me now so they don't assume its a bigger deal than it is.



The more I think about it I think maybe the only answer is I just have to be ready to be hurt and just try and not take it personally if I get rejected for this since it is not my fault. I really feel I am ready to deal with this and I have just spent way too long alone, so maybe I just have to be ready to be hurt in order to eventually meet someone I can trust. That is a really crappy reality though.

I think your right, there isn't an easy way to deal with it.

If It helps I have been where you are, so many times. I got through it though and I meet a wonderful man. You just got to stay positive and keep trying.

((hugs))

Yes that does help. Thank you.

Hey, so i'm new to these forums and was just lookin around and i found your post. you have no idea how much I can relate to you on this!! with me its with guys though obviously. I feel like i was reading my situation right now... i do agree that not disclosing everything is a good place to start cuz you may loose someone awesome if you do that. BUT i TOTALLY understand the need to make them understand. god I thought I was the only one with this issue!

I may be the only girl out there given that I also have ptsd, but as a girl, if you came to me and said look lets take it slow due to some past stuff, i'd rather know that then to not know anything at all. .And it sounds like this happened with this girl you met, but when you DO finally tell someone and they react well, it makes the issue not so bad, or the past. Even though i'm sad for you about that girl, i'm glad you got to atleast experience what it was like to have someone actually be OK with something like that. I have yet to experience it, but its encouraging to know that there are guys out there like you who have the potential to understand!

Hope that helps you not feel so alone, i just had the need to respond and tell you that your not the only one. Good luck to you!