sex with gf triggered ptsd is it possible?

Hello,
I am trying to figure out what happened here. My girlfriend has been diagnosed with PTSD. The details are in this long post.
rape-trauma/topic33053.html
My question is.....after this event...wouldn't she know I did not rape her? If she flashed back at the time of having sex....and in her mind if I was one of the 4 guys raping her....would she not come back to reality somewhere down the line and remember I didn't rape her? I have lots of questions about this. I know my link is long. You don't need to read it all. The case is over. NOT GUILTY. She is on 200 mg / day Zoloft.....5 mg 2x/day clonazepam 100 mg /day trazodon and 2 mg / night risperidone. Any help or comment is appreciated.

You can definitely trigger things that would cause ptsd during sex.. I was for the longest time.
If she was raped, or sexually assaulted at all her mind or body will remember things that you are doing to her and she will trigger from it.... I think it's important to remind her that she is safe with you, that if she needs to stop that you will, that she is in control... to remind her constantly that what you are doing with her isn't to harm, or hurt her.... and if she doesn't want to continue make it clear that she has that choice... I just got comfortable with sex a few years ago without being triggered, but anything can trigger it, a touch on an arm, a movement of the leg, penetration itself... it will take her a long time to be Ok and feel safe with it.

I guess you didn't read my long post. I have been through a rape trial because I guess she flashed back or something. She was raped by 4 guys at gunpoint at age 17 and caught her husband raping their daughter at age 12. He is in prison for life. We were engaged to be married. I guess I was doing something she didn't like but, she didn't say anything. Someone told her if someone does something she didn't like it is rape. i thought if someone didn't like something they should say so. There was never any force or coercion. A couple of weeks later we were discussing wedding plans. She said she wanted me to sell my house. I told her I couldn't and we broke up to make a long story short. Next thing I know she is saying I raped her. I guess my question is...if she flashed back, would she eventually know I didn't rape her? Did she connect me somehow with the guys that did rape her? She is 54 yrs old I am 56.

She's not always going to say something because she's being triggered, she'd likely freeze up and not be able to do anything about it. She likely feels like she was there again as it's happening. If you notice her doing things like that you need to stop. If she's stiff, not moving, not reacting to you trying to please her etc you need to stop. You have to really pay attention to her body language. I wasn't always able to voice it. When you are triggered or in the middle of a flashback it's impossible to react to stop you from doing it more. It can be rape, but I think she'd know (hopefully) that if she was uncomfortable that you'd stop ,but she may have also felt that it was rape though you didn't mean to trigger her, start a flashback etc... she may have felt raped all over again....

No they wouldn't always say stop to you, not while triggered or feeling re-traumatized...


I don't know if she would think that you raped her, in her mind you didn't stop when she was clearly uncomfortable, or didn't notice... she would see it as rape.

That is exactly what happened. The circumstance where this happened...what we were doing...I could not see her face. She was not saying anything...I was not sure what she was thinking... I didn't stop. I did not know she was uncomfortable. As soon as I noticed her...she had tears in her eyes. I was kind of upset at that instant because I was kind of shocked about her tears. I did not understand what was happening. I said in a kind of upset voice...."What's wrong". She said, "You didn't kiss me first". She wanted me to continue but I said, "No". A week later we had our financial argument. That is where my other post begins. I had no idea something like this could happen. So now what can I do?

Just to be clear...I would never continue doing anything if she or any woman was not comfortable. In this case I just did not know. As soon as I knew....I stopped. Is that rape?

All you can do is talk to her.
To help her know that the touches etc aren't to harm her at all.
That if she ever felt like she needed to stop that she has the control to stop it, and you'd stop.
Control for her is very important.

Problem is she lives miles away with her family now. She had a protection order against me for a year while the trial was going on. The protection order expired 2 months ago. She called me last week and wanted me to apologize for raping her. I told her I was sorry for anything I did or anything she thought I did but, I would not apologize for something I did not do.

There's nothing you can do about it right now then.
She obviously does believe that she was raped, she felt like it, you didn't notice her discomfort or tears, to her you are the offender, and she is the victim. I don't blame her really to feel the way that she does. A man should know and be aware of body language especially knowing the person has been a victim of rape....

You don't see it as rape, but she does...

She doesn't have to tell you to stop also remember for it not to be rape. Victims of rape will freeze, and that's what it sounds like happened, it's still rape. She felt raped, so chances are that's what happened, even if it wasn't something you felt you were doing to her, she does.

I don't blame her really to feel the way that she does. A man should know and be aware of body language especially knowing the person has been a victim of rape....
You don't see it as rape, but she does...
She doesn't have to tell you to stop also remember for it not to be rape. Victims of rape will freeze, and that's what it sounds like happened, it's still rape. She felt raped, so chances are that's what happened, even if it wasn't something you felt you were doing to her, she does.


When the man (me in this case) cannot see the woman's face (hers in this case) how would he know? I have never heard of this type of thing before this. As far as saying she doesn't have to tell me to stop....how would I know I was supposed to? How would I know she didn't want me to do something. You say read her body language. As soon as I noticed I stopped. How is that rape? I cannot read her mind.