emotional numbness

every since i have come down with the symptoms of ptsd about 3 weeks ago, it has seemed to come in waves. just when i start to question myself as to whether i could be imagining the symptoms they come back to me and make me realize that what i am feeling is real. it is not a dream because i am awake.

the thing that bothers me and scares me the most about this is the emotional numbness. last night it was particularly bad. it always seems to get worse as the day progresses and then by night time it is much worse. the emotional numbness is an awful feeling. i am wondering if it goes away? i feel like my personality has vanished. i can be a quiet person but i also have a very friendly outgoing side and that side of me seems to have gone. now i don't feel anything but numbness. certain things can trigger me to feel tiny bits of emotions, such as music or reading something or watching something. but, the emotion does not come forward inside of me like it usually has in my life. it comes out in small surges of emotions that are overwhelming to me and then i get scared and then i go numb again.

i can live with all the other symptoms of this but the numbness is something that i can not live with. i feel like i am dead. like he has killed my spirit and extinguished the small light that was still burning inside of me. i know he was purposely trying to emotionally torture me. it was something he enjoyed doing. my only protection is my silence. i am getting away from him, permanently, and everything that reminds me of him. he is a creep, for sure and i can't stand by and enable him any longer. i'll leave that job for other people.

once i am away from him, and get therapy and really try to help myself get better and feel better will the emotional numbness go away? will my personality and my feelings come back?

That does go away yes, but not until you start to deal with it. 3 weeks isn't a long time at all, it's still so fresh and real, it'll be that way for quite awhile. I don't believe that it is your imagination.... as you now realize....

Triggers are difficult to deal with because they are so hard to understand. I still get triggered all these years later from a song like you said, reading something, watching something on tv or a movie... it's completely normal... as sad as that sounds. Most people whose dealt with trauma like this do tend to have reminders of things, or if they read or see something similar or as stressful as you or I went through then it will bother them and trigger them either in the mind or the body. The body flashbacks is called "Body Memories" Something I dealt with instead of the movies playing etc in the mind.

He didn't kill your spirit, you're still here and still talking... Keeping silent isn't protection hon, it's a like being in a dark dungeon not being able to feel, to feel safe, to be your own person, to not life in fear whether of it reoccurring but with nightmares etc.


It's so extremely important to find someone to talk too... more important than anything else.
I couldn't do it without my old doctor that I was with for over 12 yrs... I'd still be in that dark hole.

If therapy isn't an option right now if it's something that you cannot afford (depending where you life) there are online support forums dedicated to survivors (I run one), also there are a ton of fantastic books out there related to trauma that you may find helpful, and can relate too.. you don't have to suffer alone.