PTSD possibly effecting orgasms and emotional health

I'm pretty sure that I have PTSD. I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship when I was in high school. It was the first time I had sex and fell in love. I suppressed all of my emotions afterward and never sought out help. I ruled out PTSD for over four years now and ignored any symptoms. I'm at the point where I can't ignore it anymore. Whenever I have something that triggers past emotions I have an anxiety attack or am launched into a numb state. I can usually take control and get myself out of it, but it takes a little while. It lasts longer if there is alcohol involved.

I have a really great boyfriend right now and we are both falling for each other. Even though I feel so comfortable with him, it's so difficult for me to orgasm. It has been impossible with other guys, but I usually faked it. I don't fake it with him because I want it to be real. Although he is so patient, I know it's frustrating when I don't get off. It's not that I don't enjoy it. It feels great and I am aroused the entire time. I get some type of mental block and tense up when I feel like I am about to cum. I only orgasmed twice and once was with alcohol. I told him about my past, but not in depth. I am really nervous to tell him that I might have PTSD.

I've been letting my guard down with him which is one of the things that makes be susceptible to flashbacks and a release of negative uncomfortable emotions still built up from my past. There is no reason for me to be unhappy because everything in my life is going so well.

This is the first time I'm admitting that I might have PTSD. It's going to be even harder to tell my boyfriend, friends and family. I know it's only going to get worse if I don't get help. I am posting this on here to ask if anyone has any advice or knows of good sources of information. It has taken years to finally admit it to myself so I have no idea how I am supposed to tell someone else. I appreciate any help anyone can give me.

PTSD or no, many women have trouble reaching orgasm during sex.

Personal advice from an old lady:

Make sure you're healthy. If you are ill (physically or mentally) your body just won't be as responsive.

Meditate and exercise. Both require practiced breathing techniques. Controlled breathing allows your mind and body to be better snychronized and lead to more rewarding physical experiences--sports, dance, sex, whatever. Controlled breathing allows your mind and body to communicate with each other and this enables you to act on their communications.

Do lots of relaxing and playful non-sexual activities. Learning to relax in your body in non-sexual situations will empower you to be able to relax during sexual encounters. Relax in each others arms with no t.v./movie, etc. Dance however you'd like when no one is around. Try dancing for your beau. You can keep the clothes on. Play twister--again clothed. Learning to laugh in response to touch can really open up healing doors in sexual matters. Getting in tune with your physical reactions to other stimuli will help you focus on your reactions to sexual stimuli.

On a similar note, encourage non-sexualy intimacy. Cook together in near silence. Have him clasp your necklace even though you can do it yourself. Give back and foot rubs. It's less normal to just jump into bed ready and willing than to need a developed sense of intamacy before hand.

Become your own friend and lover. Once you know what your body likes and doesn't, you can better control your sex life in order to illicit positive responses to sexual encounters. Also knowing how your body reacts during orgasm will make you more confident. Tension and fear often arise in response to a lack of knowledge.

Or play around with your beau and try non-pentration stimulation to achieve orgasm.

Focus not on the orgasm but on each pleasurable sensation as it arises. The shift in focus can lead to "surprise" orgasms. Most people don't have an orgasm willfully. The orgasm comes over them, not vise versa, but you can learn what things lead to this responce.

Be forgiving. If he couldn't "get it up", wouldn't you be kind to him? So be kind to yourself. Orgasms are nice, but sex is rewarding on so many levels.

Talk with other abuse survivors and/or professionals trained to help you recover from such experiences. You don't need the label of PTSD to get help. You went through some painful things, and now you have to retrain yourself so that you don't continue to see other things as painful when they aren't.

First thing I need to ask is, you were abused- but did you ignore the symptoms of the after affects, or just ignore that you were abused or both?

If so for either of them, I think it's extremely important for you to talk to someone, if PTSD is something you have, which it does sound like it when you talk about triggers, anxiety and the numbness you need to talk with someone. The fact too that you are resorting to booze in order to cope is something that isn't good, which i'm sure you know.

I deal with triggers anxiety etc. I was also in an abusive relationship in high school as well.


What you likely are experiencing sexually is body memories, your mind remembers something your body does not, mind you that normally happens with sexual abuse/rape/assault etc... but it doesn't mean that it cannot happen with you in this situation.


The fact too that you put off dealing with this for so many years, that you tried to push it to the back of your mind , but it keeps coming up.

For the sex, not being able to orgasm, are you triggered during sex? Do you feel that you do not have control during this? Do you feel unsafe?

Don't be nervous with telling him about the PTSD, there's nothing to be scared about with that. I've had PTSD since I was 16 (when I was diagnosed) and I'll be 29 next week, and still deal with it... He knows about the past, ptsd is a disorder that happens when you've been through something traumatic, don't be afraid to tell him.


Do you know what causes your flashbacks?

I myself was diagnosed with PTSD at 16 ,because of an abusive relationship at 16, but also other traumas afterwards....

Can you go and talk to someone? Get treatment for your PTSD, and then work on the not being able to achieve an orgasm. Can you without sex or is it just all the time?