Diagnosed in 2001 and never really agreed with diagnosis.

I was involved in an auto accident in 2001. I was hit by an 18 wheeler and was very lucky to only be minimally effected by the accident. I had severe problems with concentration, a terrible problem with startle reflex, and issues with anger, confustion, depression, and anxiety.

It is only now, that I am beginning to realize that my diagnosis was in fact very accurate. I am having problems with helping my husband understand that my response to situations are effeced by my disorder.

We have a 30 year old daughter who has emotional functional disabilities. She is actually my step-daughter but my husband and I have been her custodial parents since she was 10.

Her Natural Mother has custody of her 10 year old daughter since the child was about a year old. Our daughter has been trying to raise her 5 year old son. My husband and I discussed the situation and agreed to help our daughter. Our daughter agreed to allow her father to become her representative payee for her Security and her son's benifits also.

Although the situation was not trouble free, all was going well until about 6 months ago. At that time, our daughter made an appointment with Social Security and became responsible for her own finances. During this period, she left her husband and began an affair with another man.

She has moved in with this man. He lives about 2 hours from here. Our daughter has called us on two seperate occasions to "come and get her." The first occasion involved restraining orders and possible domestic violence. We were called by our daughter at 11 Oclock at night from the Sheriff's Department. We finally arrived and picked our daughter and grandson up at the Sheriff's department around 3 A.M. This occured a few days before Thanksgiving.

The second call for help occured just prior to our family Christmas celebration. We have a large family and often celebrate holidays on a pre-arranged date in order to accomidate everyones needs. My husband made the trip alone this time. We had several Grandchildren here and were preparing for the Holiday party which was only 2 days away.

I have agreed to support my Husband's decisions regarding picking up our Child in both instances. I have however, explained to him how I feel about the situation. I have refused to allow our daughter and grandson stay with us this second time. There is now a great deal of tension between my husband and myself. He feels that they should be allowed to stay. I am adamant that they should not. I continue to tell my husband, "Whether I am right or wrong, this is the way I feel. I can not change the way I feel about the situation."

My husband's health is also a concern. He has had heart surgery on two seperate occasions. We are both disabled due to our health concerns. Would anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? I realize the tension between my husband and myself is not good. I also feel stongly that allowing our daughter to return home a second time will only create more tension.

Does anyone have any suggestions.

Shop...

What a hard situation. I am not sure how much of it is "fixable" in a way that will make everybody happy; sometimes in life there aren't any good options.

What I do see is that the only innocent here is the five year old. Your husband my have a soft spot for his daughter, but she is an adult and must be held accountable for her actions. If she can't be held accountable for her actions, then she shouldn't have full parental rights. She can't have it both ways.

If your daughter doesn't do what is necessary to keep her son out of abusive situations, she is going to lose him one way or another. Again, the child's welfare is the most important part of this equation.

If it were me, I wouldn't be willing to let her return without her commitment to attend parenting classes and therapy for abused women. If she refuses, you can offer to take the child without her. If she says no to that, then you have to decide if your grandson is in danger. In that case, CPS can become involved.

If she doesn't want to return under your conditions, refer her to the local abused women's shelter. They will have the therapy to help her if she wants to the help. Services can be provided for her son as well. If they feel that your grandson is not being properly cared for, they will involve CPS.

You mentioned you had a large family; sometimes another family member can step into a situation like this easier than the parents.

What about the father? Is he competent parent for the 5 year old and does he have any interest in the child's welfare.

Different states have different statutes covering grandparent's rights; you might want to visit with a lawyer that his family law experience to see where you stand legally.

I hope this has helped. The number one thing at this point is for you and your husband to agree that your grandson is the focal point for now. Everything at this point has to be done for what is best for him

Good luck,

N.