Any advice would help.

I know I am on the verge of a breakdown when I turn to a discussion room, but hopefully I can get some words of advice here. I have had the worst luck throughout the past year and a half. It all started win January of 2002 when my ex and I split up, we had been together for 7 and 1/2 years and have 2 kids together. I had to move back in with my mother because I was facing eviction due to the bills my ex said he paid but didn't. It took me a few months, but I got myself back on my feet and landed a great managers position with a company I have been with for over a year now. Well, the company turns out to not be so great, I am still making the same amount as when I started and they say they don't have the money to give a raise, so I am struggling to pay daycare and bills. This would be alot easier if the kids father would pay the courtordered child support, but he doesn't. Then 8 months ago, I was in a major car accident. It took me this long to raise enough money for another car, but I did it (thanks to taxes). Then I find out that IRS is holding my return for up to 180 days and can't tell me anything except that it is under investigation. Well, I had went to H&R Block and did the 2 day return, so now I owe the bank for the return. I have them harassing me at work, threatening to dock my wages. It gets better, a few weeks ago, I was visting my sister and our kids were playing, after telling my daughter to stop running in the house numerous times, she runs through the glass sliding door and we are in the ER for stitches. A week after this happens, I am in but yet, another major car accident, totalling my brand new car that I've only made one car payment on. The same night, I had to bring my son to the ER because he was having trouble breathing and find out he has pneumonia. Now I find out today that the other persons insurance agent is out of town for a week and my insurance company wants me to settle on everything right away and they are stopping the rental car payments as of tomorrow. Then I received a phone call from the guy I've been seeing for a little over a year tonight and he wants to put our relationship on hold now because he can't handle all the stress in my life. So there is my bad luck, but what I'm really worried about now is my fear of driving. I am petrified to drive anywhere anymore. I find it hard to breathe and have to pull over to get through my anxiety attacks. I cry at the drop of a hat. I can't not drive, because I have to get my kids to school and myself to work, but it terrifies me. If anyone has any advice, I would truly appreciate.
sea25breez@hotmail.com

Hi and welcome.

Are you seeing any kind of therapist right now? It seems like obviously you are under a ton of stress, you may need professional help to get over your fear of driving from your car accidents.

As for the ex not paying child support, take him back to court and tell the judge ect that he is not paying, that's not right... the court can MAKE him pay even if he doesn't have the money, it's not fair to you to have to be struggling like this.

As for the job that won't give you a raise? Have you looked for a better job? Keep that one until you come across a better paying job? Or is that not an option right now.

Since you are under alot of stress and your anxiety level is high, why not try some relaxation tecniques to relax yourself... Yoga, meditation, abdominal breathing for your anxiety attacks, from what it sounds like it's not just anxiety but panic.

Take care of yourself, yes you are in a rough spot right now, but when there are bad times there will be good times, just have to take it one step at a time.

*hugs*

The previous person's post has a lot of sound advice. I would add that you might want to seek legal counsel regarding the insurance company's refusal to pay for a rental car. That just depends on whether or not you have any alternate means of getting to work.

It's important, if you can, to keep your job, not just for the necessary income, but also for your sense of "keeping my head above water". You might want to seek out a sensitive, discrete boss, if you have one, and explain the heavy stressors you're living under right now. You don't have to ask for any special treatment, but it can help significantly when someone at work understands and is sympathetic to your plight, and can provide moral support and, perhaps, even make things slightly easier for you in your job until the crisis is over.

Given the series of heavy stressors, symptoms of depression and anxiety are predictable. You might see your physician and inquire about Paxil, an SSRI antidepressant that is also indicated for treatment of anxiety. Opinion on the next suggestion is divided, but you might also, depending upon how shaky and near-my-breaking-point you feel, ask about the possibility of being put on a benzodiazapine for a few short weeks, to help you cope while you are working out these problems.

Be aware that these meds (Xanax, Ativan) do have an addiction potential if used for a prolonged period, but they can be tapered slowly when it's time to discontinue them. I know. I benefitted greatly from Xanax during my divorce, and afterward when my ex- made some spurious allegations that resulted in a prolonged legal hassle for me. I was able to wean myself off in about ten weeks. Just something to consider. I'm not a pusher of pills, and if you can make it without them, all the better, but they are not "bad"; they tend to work very well for what they are indicated for.

Another question. Do your journal? By this I mean more than just the adult equivalent of a child's diary. I mean not just writing about the days' events, but also about your inner thoughts, the symptoms you've experienced and their severity and what you did to get through the day. It is therapeutic to journal, and it can provide you with valuable material to go over with your therapist.

Definitely don't put up with that crap about your ex-partner not paying his child support. Most states have strong laws that will bring that crap to a halt really fast, as the previous poster indicated. You just have to be willing to push for it. He'll have to pay what he "back-owes", which may amount to thousands of dollars.

Be sure, also, to take advantage of any social programs benefitting single mothers with children. Some states have a state-run insurance program for children, CHIP (Children's Health Insurance Program). In Kentucky, it's KCHIP. You may have this already, but if not look into at your local social services office. It's a card issued for each child monthly that entitles them to medical treatment and prescriptions at the state's cost. You may qualify, financially, for this. Also check out foodstamps if you haven't. Every little bit of help will take a little stress off your shoulders.

Do you have family, or close friends supporting you emotionally during this time? If so, consider taking them to a therapy session with you so that they get a fuller appreciation of the severity of these crises. I'm not advocating their regular attendance, as that would be counterproductive, but a one-time joint session could help. If you do have emotionally supportive significant others, are any of them willing to help you at times with childcare, so that you can get things accomplished or rest when exhausted?

You mentioned childcare expenses. Many states have programs that will kick in some money toward childcare expenses if you meet the criteria, which you probably do while you're not receiving any child support.

Get adequate sleep. It may not be easy, with children and with the anxiety. If you are having significant and lasting sleep difficulty, consider getting a prescription for Trazadone. It's a very inexpensive antidepressant that's been around for years and causes heavy drowsiness. You can take some at night, about an hour before you want to be asleep. It is NOT addictive, and might help you quite a bit with the quality of your night's sleep.

The last thing I would comment on is your most recent boyfriend's withdrawal. I know it is very painful, emotionally, because it feels like rejection. Try, though, to keep an open mind. It may indeed be more than he can cope with; it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you or care about you. If the two of you are in love and both interested, stay in contact by telephone or letter while you are resolving these problems. You might reconnect after things have been resolved.

I imagine that you are a great person because it seems that these horrific experiences only to happen to us.

About driving: I know u feel life someone is out to get you but only time will show you that you can trust the world again. U have to just drive and get used to it.

Try Effexor ER- you need meds right now for your body to heal.

You need help right now. (if I was you stop talking to everyone and hand this over to a reputable lawyer) The insurance companies will pay for a nurse for you and a caretaker for the children. Call your insurance company's corporate office- don't let anyone give you the run around. You need your doctor to request this or go to the doctor and tell them what you need (don't be afraid tell them your situation they are human!). You are going through a tough time right now but unfortunately in order for you to get the care you need you have to just about hit bottom.

The number one thing you need to do now is screw everone in regards to money (i know it sounds bad) but, if you can't do it now don't. QUIT YOUR JOB! The kids and your health is the most important thing. If you rack up bills paying cleaning people, hired help to grocery shop, car, a nanny for the kids, meds... the insurance company will compensate you- as long as the doctor requests it.

I have felt your pain, and you need to know that you are not alone. I also want to send my respects because you are dealing with a loss right now. Goodluck and get in the car and drive.

Hi seabreeze,

I think that you've gotten some excellent and astute advice from the people who post here. I don't think that I can really add any-thing much more. They've said it all and very well I might add.

I would really encourage you to get some medication to help you through this rough patch. Not that I believe that medication is the answer, but it will offer some instant results. Paxil, as was mentioned is particularly good for anxiety, but there are many helpful medications available on the market. Start with your family doctor and get something to ease your anxiety(depression)and see if you can get an appt with a therapist. I'm a big advocate for talking through your problems and goodness knows, you've been hit very hard at the moment.

As you can see from the posts you have rec'd that this is a very good site. Sometimes, it takes awhile though to get a response. We all have our own problems too and may not be able to respond quickly.

Lastly, I would suggest that you take it easy with yourself. I'm sure you are doing the best that you can.

All the best,

mermaidmo

wondering how u r doing now?

Hi S,

Thank you for asking. Today, Im feeling more energetic than I have been for awhile. Hence, I've been surfing and posting. Find that I can get so exhausted. I have alters who just ignore me when Im tired. Also can get very wound up and find it hard to unwind. Am trying to pace myself, but others have different ideas. Things are OK today. Have really insisted on "down time" this weekend and am feeling much better for it.

So, how are you doing? What's been happening? Do tell. If you're looking for feedback, you'll get good feedback at this site.
Did you get any medication? Has it helped?

I also post at NeeDID Exchange. This is another site that you might find helpful.

Will watch for your post.

Take Care