Non Combat PTSD

It is 15 years since my Diagnosis. I may have posted here about this issue, but can not find anything of mine on the subject.

What follows is my own opinion only, and could be seen as a progress report perhaps?

When I was first seen, I had started reacting strongly to very harsh childhood abuse. I was in my mid 30s when it began to be clear that there were emotional things going on that I could not control. The Psychological community of the 1980s didn't know what PTSD was, and did not know how to treat it. Today, I think they have learned much more, and my outcome would likely have been different if they had known more.

In the 50s and 60s, if a child reacted to abuse by a parent, it was almost impossible to get help. Lots of us died, and some of us worse yet, went on to live very troubled lives, and blamed themselves for all the pain.

I do not understand why or how it all happened, but as an adult, I avoided most of the painful things that my brothers and mother suffered. I became religiously devout but did not know that it would not solve all my problems.

Starting in the early 2000s, there was a very serious breakdown, and the folk treating me felt I had Gender Identity Dysphoria. Now, in nearly 2020, it is clear that my wanting to be the other gender was driven by my hatred of everyone who was my gender, male. They said I had the worst case of PTSD they had ever seen and this was at a VA hospital.

In my opinion, the TG designation and subsequent surgeries and hormones in most cases, is not appropriate at all. I probably can not stamp out the TG phenomenon but my intention is to see that there can be an alternative.

I got off all the Psych. Meds. in 2008, but remain addicted to Trazodone. I'm at 75 mg a day to sleep, and am trying to slowly titrate off of it. I was down to less than 50 but developed severe nightmares, so went back up to 100 mg. The future is uncertain on this issue.

I'm 65 and my long term extreme abuse has resulted in child abuse Cushings. Bloated face reddish complexion (bright red at times) and "narrowing of extremities" - on the arms the phrase is tuliping.

The only reason I have put that is so you can see I am empathetic.

We all react in different ways. I was unbelievably lucky to have had someone help me at 17.

You appear to have gone on much longer than most before it caught up with you. It appears to usually be late 30s to late 40s and I am guessing has something to do with parenting.

Had your marriage ended when you were diagnosed?

Can you point out any one thing that stopped you coping as you were before.

In my case it was my mother finally being put in a padded cell and being told she was quite mad.

As a child I missed between 80-100 days of school each year for three years. Had police called many times by neighbors. My brother had an unbelievable recurrence of a very rare ear infection (4 times - odds in billions) and yet she was allowed free reign.

You are right. In our day children had accidents. They disappeared.

People moved town and along the way forgot which town their child ran away in.

A wonderful era of white picket fences and innocence for many, but horrific for a few.

I really don't know what they can do for us. I have avoided therapy as it produced huge anger issues that becomes it's own problem. That was 20 years ago. It was too painful and I have self diagnosed since.

With normal PTSD there is a benchmark. The saying "he has changed..he used to be ..". We have no benchmark. I look at my childhood photos and wonder what I was really supposed to look like. I am quite different. I wonder what I could have done if not missing all that school.

I really should be happy as my life has turned out not too bad, when seen from the outside. Funny thing is that is what so many people have said about me through me life. "not a very happy person". Never unhappy, just not happy.

I am just rambling now. So very unusual to find someone though who can understand.

My heart goes out to you.

My Mother was not institutionalized, but she was insane, perhaps Bipolar, or suffering from the effects of Abuse?

Thank you. Take care. I think you have an insight very few have. I often say the average person does not realise how lucky they are just to have been born where they were.
Take care.