Mental Health Issues & PTSD

Bit of a long story but basically in 2001 i started going to a local club with some mates and taking Ecstasy and cocaine on a regular basis (Friday & Saturday each week) After taking my first pill i felt the usual come down but since that day my mental state just seemed different, at the time i thought nothing of it. As i took more and more ecstasy and cocaine i felt more and more anxious more and more of the time. I started having issues with crowded places etc. Then out of the blue after a visit to Africa, i contracted Malaria and was near to death. During the ilness i had some halucinating experiences due to my high temperature. I was clearly anxious when i was admitted to hospital and had a pretty bad experience. Once i was put on the Anti malarial drugs i felt physically better and soon fully recovered from malaria. About 2 weeks after leaving hospital i was at my parents house and i felt hot and started sweating and thought i was ill again. Started having a panic attack and over the next 6 months had regular panic attacks. Suffered with some depression too. I went onto Prozac for 6 months and Recieved full CBT from my local Doctors counciller, which help me control my thoughts when i'm feeling anxious but i have not been able to find a way of ridding myself of the anxiety. After a while on prozac i decided to stop taking them as i still felt anxious and depressed. I felt just the same without so i stopped alltogether. I stopped having the councelling as i felt unable to tell them about my drug taking as i did not want my parents to find this out. In 2006 i started playing the drums and i find that when i'm playing music my mind is so focused that i forget feeling anxious depressed and feel great. My biggest problem is social situations. Shopping centres, pubs and clubs are a no no i just cant deal with being in public. I stopped drinking alcohol when i felt really bad as the drink just made me more anxious and depressed. So naturally i spent less time in pubs and clubs and gradually grew further away from all my friends. Now the fact that my work has not really suffered i'm an engineer so i spend most of the day on my own going from place to place in my van, in my comfort zone. However i still deal with intense feelings of Depersionalisation, Anxiety, Unhelpful thinking processes, Extreme self awareness (dunno if that makes sense), thoughts of death etc. Now i'm wracked with guilt as i think that the malaria experience does not have anything to do with my mental state and i think its all to do with my heavy drug use over a one year period. Just wondering if any of you could help me with some advice as to what you think has happened to me and anything you think i can do to rectify the situation. Any help is greatly appreciated

sapper,

First off I have never done extasy or what ever call it. I have heard that people with a predispotion to have depression or anxiety after taking it. Alcohol also does depression no favors.

I understand about self awareness. Right now I would not do any street drugs to treat like your PTSD or depression, I would think that you are a strong person blessed to survive a horrible sickness.

You really understand what is happening, and what needs to happen, getting stress under control would be my first pick.
I do not like crowds either, I have limit that function. When I do limit that I feel much more free, and in control.

There is meds out there other than prozac, that med made me have more anxiety than I had to begin with.

Talk with your doctor, It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!!! jmho....