Undiagnosed

About a year and a half ago, I was in a situation where there was a warning about a school shooter called in involving my school. I later found out there was no actual danger but...I was in one of the first classes to see all the police cars coming. At first it was just an interesting distraction in the middle of a not particularly interesting day. We kept seeing emergency vehicles going by on the main road that ran by the school. Everyone thought there was probably an accident or something elsewhere in town. Then a few cars pulled up near some of the houses by the school...and we saw they were pulling very large guns out of the trunks.

Everyone else was crowded by the windows...I was backed up against my desk. I was worried-normal for me. Then they started talking and pointing towards the school buildings. They teacher called the office about it. An officer started jogging towards the school...I remember a kid from the class in the building across from us coming out of the building towards us, and my class yelling and motioning for him to go back. We went into lockdown. We were curled up under lab stations. I was crying. Everyone was on their phones, one girl kept talking about the news and wouldn't shut up. The girls next to me tried to keep me calm, but I couldn't behave and or get calm like I was supposed to. At one point the cops were outside the door telling someone in the hall to get down on the ground. Eventually cops came in and took us out to the football fields. I was shaking so badly and kept thinking that I was going to get shot for the movement. I ended up curled up on the field with most of the class shielding me while we waited.

The point to this post is that I...I still can't stop thinking about it. Every time I see a cop car I feel paralyzed, and my heart goes crazy. I've been struggling with anxiety for years, but this...cops are supposed to be good-not make you panic. I feel guilty for the fear towards them, and I don't know how to make it better. Nothing I do-other than keeping myself out of situations that trigger the feelings-works. All my coping techniques have stopped working. I never got an official diagnosis or anything. I feel bad posting this, because I was never in danger, and other people have been in such more horrible situations and what I feel and went through is probably so small in comparison. But I need something, and if anyone has any advice it would be very appreciated.