Suspected PTSD...new here..opinions, please????

Hey, I'm new...

I'm Madison, 21 year old female.

Well, where to start...

My childhood wasn't great, I experienced severe sexual/physical/verbal/emotional abuse and neglect at the hands of one of my parents when I was very young. Eventually both my parents abandoned me and my brother and I were brought up by a grandparent. My brother was very cruel to me, to this day I can't stand to be in a room with him.

When I got older I was sexually assaulted by a stranger and beaten and stalked by a boyfriend (who ended up going to jail).

I lost a relative who I loved very much to suicide and I was also terrorised by a stranger who smashed my window in the middle of the night and trashed my garden.

I felt so empty that I began to drink, then I fell behind on the rent and lost my lovely home, my posessions and also my pets. I was homeless for a while until I turned to a friend for help.

There's a lot of stuff I could write, but I'll try to keep this as simple as possible. I went on to do 12 months of military service and when I came home I met a man who seemed lovely.

He turned out to be a psychopath. His abuse was awful, awful, awful. I can't bear to write down any examples...at least, not at the moment. I still can't believe that all along he had set out to hurt me in such evil, incomprehensible ways.

Out of all the things I've been through and all the violence I've seen, out of all the times I've been violated and treated like less than human, this seems to be the straw that broke the camels back.

What compounded all of this was my beloved dog dying in front of me and the death of my mentor, plus the lack of support, care, and understanding I received once the abusive relationship ended.

I was called a liar, a drama queen, a sick fantasist and a masochist. I went through months of abuse, now I feel completely empty, alone, and detached at the core.

The abuse ended 6 months ago and I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. I can't trust anybody and I question everything. I have vivid nightmares, I cry every night and sleep with the light on. I feel very isolated, like I can't connect with anyone and I'm not on the same wavelength as others, because they don't understand what happened to me. They just don't GET it. It's too much for them to process.

I feel like my view of the world has changed. I can never fully relax and I feel like I live it every day, it's in my thoughts constantly. Nothing and nobody is safe and trustworthy anymore. I hate trying to explain it because I know it means nothing to other people really.

I'm very jumpy, very anxious, very irritable, I have a lot of panic attacks and I find myself going out less and less. People have remarked that my eyes have taken on a 'glazed' look, one person even called them 'dead', and comparing photos of myself to photos from before the event (that went on for months) I can see what they mean. My eyes used to sparkle, now they look very flat and empty, maybe a touch wary.

Sometimes I get so angry that I scream at people and I'm so ashamed of myself afterwards. I don't understand why I do it, it's like I've regressed into being a toddler. I do it for virtually no reason.

I also get tearful for virtually no reason. A lot of the time I feel either angry, empty, or anxious. I have heart palpitations, psychomotor agitation, sometimes I can't sit still and other times I can barely get out of bed.

I have health anxiety, I feel sick a lot, have tension headaches, muscle spasms, chest pains, a twitching eyelid, and many other complaints.

I feel directionless, unsure of everything, much older than my years, and I escape into fantasy a lot. Sometimes I tell people that the event never actually happened when they know that it did.

A lot of the abuse was psychological and very subtle, during the relationship I questioned whether it was all really happening or if it was all in my mind (as was his intention). To this day, I question my own perceptions.

I have even had very mild delusions. My self esteem has plummeted and I care about things less than I used to and I talk a lot quieter nowadays. I feel like I'm different to everyone else and that I won't live until I'm old.

I have mood swings and I feel...stuck.

I'm sorry that this is so long and there's probably a lot of stuff I've forgotten to mention...but is this PTSD?

Even so called professionals have laughed at me

Professionals have laughed at you..?
I rarely get angry but they're damn morons and i'm really sorry that you've had to deal with that on top of everything that you've been through and are going through right now.

I can't diagnose nor state with certainty that you do have PTSD, but I could have written a lot of your post myself.. your symptoms are ones that i've been through myself and i have a diagnosis of complex PTSD (C-PTSD) - so i wouldn't be surprised if a decent professional diagnosed you.
It's still very very early days for you and the trauma that kicked all of this off was only 6 months ago so professionals will likely be reluctant to do more than treat the symptoms that they can see until a bit more time has passed. I think that caution is necessary so that people don't get diagnosed too early but with situations like this, where the trauma was repeated and continued for a large amount of time, something far more rapid needs to be done to help from the therapeutic field.
Can you possibly write it down for your doctor like you've written it down here? I know that I couldn't manage to talk about most of it when i asked for help.. most of the time i couldn't even manage to even pinpoint what it was i was trying to ask for..

if you're able to write a little bit of what your ex did down and see it in pen and paper.. or maybe on here if you're able to (though i know it's hugely difficult to open up like that) - maybe that would help solidify things so that you have written proof for yourself of what really happened.. it's too easy to start thinking that you're crazy and maybe what he did wasn't really anything at all - but please do trust yourself - this stuff is completely and utterly crazy making.

if you're comfy with a hug - i'm sending you one xx

I'm so sorry.
Prazosin is a medication that helps with nightmares, and I've found it helps with flashbacks as well (though I've never heard this positive impact from anyone else).
What I've found helpful for nightmares, flashbacks and the traumatic events themselfs is to go toward them and remind yourself of the facts such as the people who did them are horrible people, it wasn't your fault etc etc. Also for me it helps to re-imagined the memory and change something about it to make it less traumatic.
Good luck.