Hi, I too feel the way you do. After a certain event happened 2 months ago I haven't been the same. I guess my ptsd came back with the vengeance. At times I too feel like some other person or invisible force it controlling my mind, why would I choose to think all of those negative things? Why would I choose to remember or relive those experiences, again? I know that isn't me, it's my OCD and anxiety telling me these things, doubting everything and anything which makes it even more difficult to heal. You just have to remind yourself that this is your own mind doing this and nothing else, and ignore those thoughts. It is hard and I struggle with it everyday. Like you said, it's hard to relax, I know

I often find myself distracted with something else, or suddenly relaxed and I'm not even aware that I am until the flashbacks return. I think we're afraid of the flashbacks and negative intrusive thoughts never leaving. Like you said, even writing this I still feel them there. I just want a rest from this all, and I'm sure you do too, but don't give up! It's never easy but healing is possible! Good luck to you and everyone else going through this.