Lucid(ish) nightmares, sleep paralysis

I believe that I have PTSD due to my mother developing Bi-Polar disorder about a month ago. Everyone in my family thinks I have it, my boyfriend, my friends. A therapist will be seeing me within the week.

Anyway, I don't want to go on and on about what my PTSD is from so to put it short, I had an abusive mother who developed bi-polar disorder. I'm 17, so I still live with her.

Two nights ago, I had an extremely vivid nightmare about my absolute biggest fear; losing my mind. In my dream I blacked out, and when I came to was told that I had gone absolutely nuts. Apparently during my blackout, in my dream, I was running around naked, screaming, trying to kill people. Acting like a well, maniac. I woke up, in my dream, and was told by someone who's face I can't remember that I was dreaming, and that I was going to lose my mind. I woke up around 11, after going to bed at 6, sweating and crying.

Last night, I had a lucid-ish dream where my brother and I were standing in his room, and he kept telling me I wasn't real. I kept telling him he was wrong, and he told me I was a figment of his imagination. I knew he was just messing with me, so I left to go into my room. I repeated the words "I'm not real" and started to panic. I realized I was dreaming at that point and started pounding on things, pinching myself, screaming and eventually felt myself start to.. disintegrate, almost. This was the feeling of my sleep paralysis coming on, which is something I've always dealt with but it was never *that* bad, I knew how to control it. I stayed in that state for just a second or two and then I woke up so fast that it was like someone threw me into reality. I then heard a voice say something, I don't remember what, sometimes about a doctor.

I do have hypnopompic/hypnagogic hallucinations, but usually only when I fall asleep too fast, and only when I start to fall asleep. I've had them when I was waking once or twice, but never in the form of a voice. I freaked out. I read up on it, it's fairly normal, nothing related to insanity, so I feel a little better but...

This is really freaking me out. I keep having these horribly vivid nightmares, I can't sleep because of it. I get 5/6 hours a night, which I know is a lot to some people but I've always been a 10/11 hour kinda person.

If anyone can give me insight, please do!

hiya..

I can do a dream analysis if you don't mind..?

I have done this many times before but i'm not a professional in any way, shape or form so you should bear this in mind(i just happen to like analysing dreams).. nevertheless i think it might be useful ..

Okay, to start with i have c-PTSD so i can relate to the awful dreams bit myself- you have my deepest sympathy.. they can be really horrible.. i've woken up crying or shaking so many times.

I had an extremely vivid nightmare about my absolute biggest fear; losing my mind.

^ dreaming of losing your mind usually signifies that you feel out of control of your situation and are desperate to change it but cannot see a way of doing so right now.. this trapped feeling makes you feel as if you just want to escape in any way possible.. losing your mind is one solution that your subconscious is suggesting.

I woke up, in my dream, and was told by someone who's face I can't remember that I was dreaming, and that I was going to lose my mind.

^ to dream of waking up and being told something by someone in your dream indicates that your inner soul/conscience/spirit (whatever you call that little inner part of you that holds all your hopes and wishes) is trying to tell you to change your situation..
In effect, you are telling you to change because if you don't you are scared of staying in the current situation that you want to escape from.
To tell yourself that you are dreaming is actually your inner voice saying exactly that.. you are merely dreaming that things will change unless you make the changes yourself..

In my dream I blacked out, and when I came to was told that I had gone absolutely nuts. Apparently during my blackout, in my dream, I was running around naked, screaming, trying to kill people. Acting like a well, maniac.

To dream of blacking out means that your subconscious knows that you are ignoring things that you shouldn't ignore.. you are literally ''blacking/erasing'' them out from conscious thought and avoiding making a decision.
To dream of killing along with the blacking out bit means that you are on the edge of losing your temper and self control.. you are smothering your feelings but your subconscious can feel the inner build up of unprocessed feelings and is trying to warn you to take action before you end up having a meltdown/huge tantrum.. (all those built up feelings have to go somewhere)

Last night, I had a lucid-ish dream where my brother and I were standing in his room, and he kept telling me I wasn't real. I kept telling him he was wrong, and he told me I was a figment of his imagination. I knew he was just messing with me, so I left to go into my room. I repeated the words "I'm not real" and started to panic

Your brother is actually you.. you are telling yourself that you're not able to be yourself at the moment and you telling your dream brother that he's wrong means that in real life you know you aren't able to fulfill your potential in your current situation but you dismiss these thoughts and just carry on ignoring them.. you carry on in the same old routine..
The fact that you continue to say that you aren't real to yourself in the dream after you went to your room means that you are actually really worried about this..
In dreams, a personal and private room signifies your personal place that you protect and keep safe from outside influences.. your inner core if you like

I realized I was dreaming at that point and started pounding on things, pinching myself, screaming and eventually felt myself start to.. disintegrate, almost. This was the feeling of my sleep paralysis coming on, which is something I've always dealt with but it was never *that* bad, I knew how to control it. I stayed in that state for just a second or two and then I woke up so fast that it was like someone threw me into reality. I then heard a voice say something, I don't remember what, sometimes about a doctor.

You were hitting your inner core and found your strength to be lacking - the fact that you disintegrated means that you are scared that you don't have the strength to change.. the voice telling you to see a doctor means that you do indeed still have strength.. you threw a good suggestion to yourself - you're scared that you aren't strong enough on your own so you're subconscience is telling you to ask for a hand for a change.. something that you probably don't do very often if at all..


can i just say that after analysing your dreams.. i'm bloody impressed - you have a hell of a lot of insight.. ability to change and understanding of how to.. even if your conscious wasn't quite listening yet.

I also have sleep paralysis and hallucinate before falling asleep or upon waking. I have Bi-Polar 1 Disorder (although I control my temper during my deepest rages) I don't want my daughter being affected by my illness. I also have PTSD and last night I had a nightmare, It brought back the feeling of terror, helplessness and sadness. I'm having flashbacks today and am depressed. Luckily my children are off having fun and won't see me like this. It's hard living with these illness. And the healing process seems the worst but I do know its our mind ready to deal with it and we should remember that and reassure ourselves that we are safe now. I hope your mother is not abusive to you anymore. I know you love her but she may need some serious help. Especially if she has been bi-polar and just now getting treated for it. Most people diagnosed with bi-polar disorder don't get diagnosed till 15-20 years after they started exhibiting symptoms. It's hard to diagnose and recognize the symptoms.