Abuse from a friend with PTSD

Hi all,

I've had PTSD for a couple of years now. I just ended a "friendship" with another woman (I'm female) who is now in the throes of PTSD therapy due to her husband killing himself last week. It is looking like she's going to be the kind of PTSD person who takes it out on others. She was abusive to me, it was a trigger for me, so I ended it, and will not go to the memorial.

She all kinds of nice, until her parents arrived to take care of her. Then she started showing signs of taking advantage of me. I went over there one morning to help her do a smudging ceremony, and she asked me to come back later because she needed to take a shower. Ok, We had communicated about my coming over several times that morning, and I also called just before I left to let her know I was coming. She was having a bad day, but it's not like I was right across the street - I had to drive a long way. She never troubled herself to call me to say not to come.

Then when I called her about dealing with another woman who she basically wants banned from the memorial, she misunderstood what I was asking and barked her instructions at me. That was a trigger for me, so I just cut the friendship off completely. I put a lot of effort into being very nice about it, but I also told her some other things I was not happy about like the time she cut me off without a word for months because I innocently asked if she and the recently deceased were planning to get married, after she was the one who brought up the subject of putting him on her health insurance.

So she responded to my goodbye letter by telling me that I need to get professional help (she meant that in a nasty way, as in I'm delusional), and how dare I give her a PTSD lecture. Well, it wasn't a PTSD lecture, I merely described what wasn't working about this friendship - her cutting me off, and the impression I have that she feels threatened that I'm 20 years older than her. I told her I'm really not her mother, and she might want to consider sticking with friends her own age.

So did I do the right thing? I just don't do well when somebody dies, and then people start trotting out their very worst behavior. I'm sure her family and friends are all going: "Oh poor baby" at her for my doing that, but I have to draw the line, and I should have done it the first time she cut me off without a word.

I am thinking that she thinks that her loudly describing to me how much she will yell at, and be
mean to, this other woman if she calls her at my supposed suggestion, is just fine.
I did not suggest that this other woman should call her, she didn't listen. But whatever -
does it seem to you like that could actually be considered abusive to a person with PTSD?

Correction: They weren't married, they were "significant others."