Woman In Canada w/ Ptsd(I Am In U.S.), I Have Been Friends

We have known each other online, for ten years. She told me years ago, that she has PTSD. She has always been critical of me to a certain extent. When I had re-installed Yahoo Messenger on my computer, in April of 2012, after keeping it off my computer for nine months, she 'raised the roof' , wondering where I had been for so long. While I know that my removing it without telling her wasn't the smartest thing to do. I have often wondered, if she felt abandoned when I didn't tell her in July 2011 of my intention to un-install Yahoo Messenger, and if her criticism in general is her way of saying she is jealous because I am not in a relationship with her. She denies that is the case. But she repeatedly, has cut me out of her life. Only to contact me just a few days later, accusing me of ignoring her. She denies that is the case. But, I am wondering, if she is afraid both, of abandonment, and has trust issues. Over the last ten years, one of us has been in a relationship when the other one wasn't. So, We have never had a situation until maybe now. (I think)She recently broke up with her boyfriend of four years. Her criticism while foul-mouthed, she has never called me a nasty name. So, That is why I am wondering.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Christopher

Hi there

I have had CPTSD since i was about 15. I have to agree it probally wasnt nice to cut off contact without telling your friend, its just like moving house or changing your phone number really? in the same instance friends are accepting and caring not critical and they do not play games.

I mention i have had cptsd since i was 15 and am not 30 because i have never used it as an excuse or a reason to thrive or cripple a relationship. I think your insights into her fears and wants are correct because it sounds like the reasoning of soem one caught in a flaux of emotion.

I guess i am thinking to myself if after ten years this friend has always played games, come and gone and been critical then she has not managed to gain ground with her ptsd. Would it be wise for her or you to enter a relationship? PTSD is a full time job on its own, looking after ones self is often the hardest thing but also the hardest thing to accept you cant do.

Would you be being the better friend to not even go there? I think i am asking questions you were not even puttiing out there, i seem to be on a splutter mutter typing session!!!

I really hope that it all works out and that what i have wrote is in some way helpful to you. No one deserves to be treated without respect.

take care

river and jake

River, That is very true.

You are the first person with any form of PTSD, not to rip into me, for how I have approached the situation, and I thank you for that. I have even been accused of 'projecting' and/or, being a villian. Her emotions have been 'in flux for a long time.

True, I think she has not been able to make a concerted effort in climbing out of the PTSD pit. Between her having twins at 23(fiance was killed in Iraq), her old daughter at 25(soon-to-be-ex-husband 'came out' as bi-sexual), and her younger daughter at 32(ex-boyfriend was controlling). She n' her (ex)boyfriend were fighting a lot.

I don't know if she will continue the planned counseling to address her PTSD.

I have wondered at times, why I would even want to go there. But then I remember that no one is perfect. Because if I lived life like that, only wanting a woman that was perfect(no physical or mental health problems), that would be akin to believing in what Nazi dictator Adolph Hitler demanded in the 1940's. Anyone with a disability, was gassed in the gas chambers. I have German heritage, but I hate Hitler with a passion.

It has been more helpful than you know.

Christopher