the feeling is getting worse each morning

Hi Steven, I will message you the name of the therapist I used. Please continue to reach out, here, as well, and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there.

somebody please advise me me how to deal with my mental state today. My reflection of myself and of reality has been deteriorating considerably these past 2 days. I cannot handle the idea of the occurrences, I feel too immoral and dirty to even play with my nieces and nephews. I've been for an hiv test which was negative, but i fear other std's, I just feel so dirty and shameful and my mind is in a complete mess, I've been hit with concepts my mind cannot process, I keep getting imaging of the moment my penis entered the neo vagina thinking its a real thing, an important intimate moment in my life was a lie, My whole perception of the world was wrong all my life, had I known about such things prior to the incident then found out, I would have managed to handle the news, but I cannot process this, I am wrestless and in total disconnection from all going on around me. Where and how should I start, I can not live with this , please advise me, the flashbacks today are destroying me

You need a therapist bro

I agree with ColourJinx in this, Steven. I hope the links I sent help, community support is so very important, but it also (in my experience) can only go so far. Talking to a professional about your symptoms and the severity I think would be advisable. Best wishes for the coming week.

If you're worried about your community finding out I suggest going outside your community. It'll be more trouble but worth it...

I mean I'm guessing that you went outside your community to find the brothel, right?

Last sentence I feel was unnecessary, ColourJinx, IMHO. The trauma has happened in Steven's case, not appropriate to bring him back to what caused the trauma. Cause of trauma/path leading to it I believe is separate from the actual trauma itself, and we should all be sensitive to that and restrain judgment. We should be sensitive to the PTSD we each carry, and supportive to each other, the actual trauma and what we are going through because of it, not what led to it. My feelings.