I'm so lost inside

I've been so lost inside, I haven't been able to stayed on anything for too long cause I constantly think about the abuse that my ex boyfriend put me through. Been feeling so lonely and everyday I feel like I'm getting worse. Sometimes my anger comes out of the blue and I start thinking of things that he used to say to me and things that he used to do to me. Not sure if I ever had a flashback yet, but there's times where I do have dreams and he'll appear in them. Every time this happen, I always end up waking up from them and have a hard time going back to sleep. Another thing I noticed is that I feel so empty and I even feel stupid and feel like I'm no good. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even important and think everyone else is so much better than me. My self esteem is so low right now.... he abused me in so many ways and I wish I could feel better about myself but I don't.

Lately I've been so tired and been feeling weak too. On most days I lay in bed cause I feel so overly stressed out. Now I feel like I can't handle anything, I'm so little, so fragile and any little thing that happens I'll end up freaking out. Not sure if this is normal or not, but I have so many different emotions right now and I hate the way I feel. Sometimes I wish I could fly on a plane and just fly off some place cause I don't want to be where I'm at. He's so close by to where I live... and sometimes I live in fear that I'll end up bumping into him some place. Which I don't want to do..... after I broke up with him for abusing me for three years, I heard he got a new girlfriend so suddenly so I know his love for me was completely fake. So much anger towards him and I hate when he did to me. Feel so lost inside.... and I'm depressed cause I also don't have any friends too. Feel like I lost everything, please help!

I am so sorry, I know where you are at. I am there too. You are not alone. In fact, everything you have described resonates within me. It's a cruddy place to be indeed. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me. I care. Sitting with you. Blessings. ♥

Please do not feel alone. I've been hurt through my whole childhood years and just now getting help. I've only been to 3 sessions and I've told my therapist so much and it's left me feeling so vulnerable inside, so open, exposed and scared. Scared of being hurt again,Physically and emotionally.
I feel I've said too much too soon but I couldn't hide these thoughts any longer. I just let it all out and still have so much more to release.
She told me at the beginning of the third one that I have ptsd. I already figured I did but to hear it from a professional really hurt deep. I can only imagine what other diagnoses I will be handed down.
I live alone and work alone. The isolation is getting to me.
I hope you are getting help as well. I know mine will help but I know I will have to go through hell and back before it does.

Recently I had my traumas treated in therapy BUT I still can't stop thinking about the one who abused me.
So what I did was go to a safe place and bring it into my mind. I went to a place e.g. the beach where I had happy memories. I walked on the sand, smelled the sea air and the seaweed and felt the sand in my toes. I remembered images, like the one where you first glimpse the sea, and the one where the sun is going down behind the waves.

Now when he pops into my mind I immediately replace him with this safe, strong memory of happy times.

For you it doesn't have to be the beach, just somewhere that feels good for you.