I don't want to be happy?

I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, and i'm not sure if this is related but...

I have this problem where i feel deeply connected to certain people but at the same time i feel totally disconnected from others, and there's really no reason for any of it. I notice that lately i am able to "connect" with aquantences and people i've never met, yet with my actual friends, i feel like it's impossible to "connect". it's a strange feeling- I want to laugh, and feel connected to my friends, but I just don't. (i have periodically felt connected to certain friends for limited amounts of time- but it never lasts.) yet I am able to laugh and be comfortable around strangers.

I think it has to do with how my mom killed herself, and I went through years of huge stress with her. She essentially abandoned me, so I don't know how to maintain a real friendship with anyone. it's like subconciously i don't know how to just have normalcy in my life so i create lies in my head. I'm seeing a therapist but i'm wondering if anyone has any input.

Hi BounjourJakk,

I can definitely relate to this on some level. I think as you say, it's probably mostly due to not wanting to get too close to people. In your head maybe you feel like if you are too attached to someone it will lead to something bad as it did with your mother. Strangers maybe feel more safe for you because they may be people you will either never see again or people you are more in control of whether you see them again or not which is probably part of the appeal of connecting to them.

Does this sound about right? I don't really know a lot of what to say in terms of advice, I think it's just about healing through therapy enough to allow yourself to lower your guard again and see that not everybody you're close to will abandon you but I honestly believe that will come in time.