PTSD

It been almost a year now.... Another deployment looms and I am still scared from the last one. When he came home it was suppose to be happy, the war was suppose to be left behind....

But it doesn't end with a boarder of a country and the man I married than has not returned instead I get a shell of him. I don't know how much more I can deal with this?

I Love my husband. I waited 19 months for him.... I risked everything and just jumped into a life I was not ready and before I knew it, I was one of them an Army wife.

My husband and I had been dating for 8 years and he was my high school sweetheart. One day after 9-11 he joined the army, we planned on getting married... two weeks before he was due home from basic, I found out that his unit was deploying to Iraq... I was married 3 days before he left and never looked back. You might think thats crazy, maybe it was but I didn't want to miss being his wife. I know I am rambling right now so I will cut to the chase. Just trying to give a little background info.

I just feel like I was robbed, my first year with him, our first anniversry, our wedding.... granted in less than 2 weeks we are having a real wedding it just doesn't feel the same.

Not to mention our relationship that was once rock soild is a little shaky. How do I deal with a man that freaks out cause I run over a bag, or get nervous going to the mall.... A Man that drinks to try to numb the pain and doesn't seem like he wants help.

They tell me his agression and anger are because of what he seen over there. They tell me I don't understand..... How can I, if he doesn't give me a chance to? They tell me that this might never go away, we just have to learn to deal. The VA just shoves more pills down his throat that make him angry, to the point one night he hit me in a blind fury of rage. I am by far no battered wife, but I don't deserve that, I don't want that. I tried to tell his physcholgist about it but i felt like I was getting the run around, that he should just keep taking the pills.... I told him my husband has a drinking problem at the moment and that untill he gets help for that, I don't think giving him antidepressents is a good thing, he needs someone to talk to. He basically acted like I was stupid to question this medication. The list is a mile long with side affects and I am not even sure what the pills are? I asked the physchologist, he told me he can't tell me. WHAT? I tried to look up the name of the medication, but found little or no info on it. Just that its the basic medication given to Men & Woman suffering from survior guilt and PTSD

Is it fair for me to be upset about behavior that he can't change? There is some he can fix and sometimes I wonder if he stopped loving me. He told me that I use to be awesome before he married me, but I don't think he knew how much I had to go through when he left. Granted he got the #######5 end of the stick, but it was by far no walk in the park for me. I was away from all my friends and family and the youngest girl in the support groups offered to me... I just didn't click with anyone around. I was alone... for 19 months I was alone.


Now that he back, living with me.... I feel still alone. Everyone is poor him, he needs a break, blah blah... I just want to scream and be like SO DO I!

Than again Army Wives don't get them....

i am not an army wife, but an army sister... this sounds like it could've been written by my sister in law. my brother served 2 tours in iraq, and throughout both of her pregnancies he was there, and barely made it home in time to see their births. dont get me wrong, alot of men didnt make it home and that is terrible, but i saw the pain in her eyes throughout both deployments. someone should be supporting you, i supported her, i loved her and still do. now we're on opposite ends of the nation and i miss her soo much. you are right to be worried for your husband, but to still have the feelings that you do. hugs and support. jamie

thans that really does mean alot to me. Sometimes it just gets a little hard....

of course it still is hard.... we as family, suffer our own trauma watching the news reports, waiting, having nightmares, it's terrible! i remember when my brother went the first time, some lady said " well at least you all have it better than we did in vietnam, we didnt have computers with cameras and such" and i almost fell over! yeahh ok, i'll give her that, we do have more contact, but seriously, war is war! it's hard no matter what.
do you go to the 'wives support' thingy's that are held? my sister in law wouldnt go, she'd move back home here everytime he got deployed... but now they have one here in town at our national guard armory too. thinking of you.... hugs jamie

You may be grieving for the loss you experienced, your husband is alive but your life is not what it was before or what you expected. You need to take care of yourself first. It sounds like the support being given is all for him right now. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist yourself to deal with your trauma?
My heart is with you...
Nancy

I have thought about going once or twice but really I am a strong person... there is just not a lot of support out their for wives it is all centered around the man....

I have to be strong now that another deployment is closing in on us. I have to make sure he knows everything on the home front is good... taken care of.

It not like I get the breakdown moment... when he gone sure i cry...

I can tell you that last saturday was our wedding and why it may not of went as well as i hoped it was the most beautiful day of my life.

here is a slide show of that wedding.... you do have to download it.

http://www.allurephotographystudio.com/ ... &Jesse.exe

hey, my brother in law was in war too, but no tiraq. the angolan war. you think iraq was bad- think again. i'm not saying that to be patronising, but you will see in a minute what i mean...

he was ;eader of the Pathfinder Units, after having worked his way up from being a Paratrooper. the stories he told me have been burned into my brain forever. like his best mate- they were both climbing into the helo out of enemy territory and he watched his best mate's head being blown away right next to him.
the rest is really traumatic stuff so i wont bore ppl with the gorey details, but basically he came back like you said your husband is- shattered etc. it took many years of counselling and grieving the whole experience before he got to the point of getting the peace he needed to live a normal life. i remember my sister telling me how they'd be walking down the street on a saturday morning doing somew shopping and a car going past backfired- he would grab her in a lock grip and hit the deck! funny- yeah, but not so funny if you're the one being pulled down! he genuinly thought it was a bomb- he was THAT trained and ingrained to react and not think or process the stimuli.
basically, no war is easy to get over. but he did. there will be light at the end of the tunnel. today he is loving life, has 2 awesome kids, and is CEO of a massive company. and he's only 40.
get counselling for both of you. and if it's not impossible to get him outta there, keep holding on and praying for that day he'l come back for good.

take care,

xx

sniffles wrote:hey, my brother in law was in war too, but no tiraq. the angolan war. you think iraq was bad- think again. i'm not saying that to be patronising, but you will see in a minute what i mean...

No War is a great thing to be a part of... I do not compare what one see in a war as being any worse or less. Nor can you make that judgment based on what your brotherlaw told you because you have no idea what my husband seen or been through.... There are a lot of misconceptions about Iraq....

sniffles wrote: he was ;eader of the Pathfinder Units, after having worked his way up from being a Paratrooper. the stories he told me have been burned into my brain forever. like his best mate- they were both climbing into the helo out of enemy territory and he watched his best mate's head being blown away right next to him.
the rest is really traumatic stuff so i wont bore ppl with the gorey details, but basically he came back like you said your husband is- shattered etc.

I don't wish to tell you what my husband saw, in fact I don't wish to know all what he has seen and somedays wish he never told me. I will tell you this though he is part of the Army Combat Engineers.... His main job in Iraq was to go out before the convoys in small groups and find IED's (road side bombs) he also disarmed mind feilds, searched for weapons and bombs, anti air craft guns and maned the check points and watched for car bombs.... As you can imagine this delt with a lot of deaths both on his side and on the iraq and even inoccent children.

sniffles wrote:it took many years of counselling and grieving the whole experience before he got to the point of getting the peace he needed to live a normal life.

at this time we don't have lots of years as we are preparing for another deployment but I do understand what you are saying....

sniffles wrote: i remember my sister telling me how they'd be walking down the street on a saturday morning doing somew shopping and a car going past backfired- he would grab her in a lock grip and hit the deck! funny- yeah, but not so funny if you're the one being pulled down! he genuinly thought it was a bomb- he was THAT trained and ingrained to react and not think or process the stimuli.

I don't look at any combat stress thing like that as being funny cause a few months ago that would of saved his life.... I couldn't not imagine living in sheer terror like that and having to come home and realize that its all in your head. There is nothing funny about that.... That a struggle our soldier and marines go through for our freedom, thats just one of the many small price they have to pay in a long list of other.

My Great Aunt lived over in Germany durning WWII it took her most of her life to not dive under the table when she heard a plane fly over cause she thought it was an air raid. It not training that makes them like that, it conditioning, it knowing that what had to be done to stay a live and get back home....

sniffles wrote: basically, no war is easy to get over. but he did. there will be light at the end of the tunnel. today he is loving life, has 2 awesome kids, and is CEO of a massive company. and he's only 40. get counselling for both of you. and if it's not impossible to get him outta there, keep holding on and praying for that day he'l come back for good.

take care,

xx

Thanks... I am not the only wife that struggle with this and I am glad to have a husband that came home at all to be honest. Cause I know thousand of other families that would give up everything just for another moment with theirs. I dont pray so much for mine as I do for all those others out there; for all those who yellow ribbons go unanswered.

army wife, trying to reach you Pm ,are your settings on?

I can't imagine what like to have my husband away for so long. And go through something like that.

I do know what its like to have loving husband one day and then next totally different man.

My husband didn't go through a war or anything but right after we got married he had major stroke. He wasn't same after that, He was angry, depressed and blind one eye among many other problems. He was just 27 when this happen so was hard for both us understand why.

It doesn't matter what happens or how, he is different and so are you. You both been through alot.

Looking at your slide show which i say is really nice. You can see how much he loves you be way he looks at you. and you him.

Try to remember that love when things get hard, Be there for him, sometime You will need him and he will be there for you when you need it.

To help you get through it outside help does help. You need someone to talk with to vent.