Would this be classed as trauma? If so what should I do?

I have been through a lot of rejection in my life and I am just a 19-year old girl. My 40-year old married half-brother used to have sex with me when I was just 15-years old and because I felt so used and worthless by him I told the police that he raped me. I dropped the charges the following day (my mum was concerned, she told me that he actually DID rape me, she said it was statutory rape) and he was arrested, but I dropped the charges the following day.

I only have one friend and she is my rock. I dropped out of school when I was just 15 years-old because I was getting severely bullied. I never even got to sit my GCSEs and I lost contact with the very few friends that I did have because I developed social anxiety (because of the bullying). Then last year, something completely world-shattering happened! I started getting bullied... by the in-laws of my half-brother (they don't know that he used to have sex with me when I was just 15-years old but they know that we fell out)!

My half-brother's inlaws are of the travelling community so they are not the kind of people anyone would want to get on the wrong side of. They would call me fat and ugly, a slut, a slag, they would call me every name under the sun and these people don't even know me! I did join college last year and I was going to a Catering class but I didn't enjoy it at all! Every day I kept getting flashbacks of the bullying, the horrific things that they said about me, my half-brother having sex with me, etc. Would all that I have been through be classed as trauma because I can barely get tasks done throughout the day because I keep thinking about everything bad that's happened to me.

I know that my half-brother treated me like rubbish but because he was the first man that I slept with I did fall in love with him. I think about him everyday and I love him but I hate what he did to me. How do I cope with all these problems? Will my suffering on this planet ever end? How and when! Just when! I feel so alone and lost.

Yes, woohoo, trauma is one word that can be applied to your half brother's rape. But how to name it is unimportant. How to get past it, to stop thinking about it is important.

A regular practice of mine might help. Simply try to count every single breath all day long. I concentrate on the breath and and try to feel every detail. If you tune yourself in totally to your breathing there'll be little or no room left in your mind for thinking about the past over and over.

I am interested in how this works for you. My topic, "I'm frustrated..." in Living With Mental Illness under General in Psych Forums has other ways to learn to enjoy life. If you want to talk with me further, go there and post a reply there. If you post a reply here I'll never see it.

WoohooXx wrote:I have been through a lot of rejection in my life and I am just a 19-year old girl. My 40-year old married half-brother used to have sex with me when I was just 15-years old and because I felt so used and worthless by him I told the police that he raped me. I dropped the charges the following day (my mum was concerned, she told me that he actually DID rape me, she said it was statutory rape) and he was arrested, but I dropped the charges the following day.

I only have one friend and she is my rock. I dropped out of school when I was just 15 years-old because I was getting severely bullied. I never even got to sit my GCSEs and I lost contact with the very few friends that I did have because I developed social anxiety (because of the bullying). Then last year, something completely world-shattering happened! I started getting bullied... by the in-laws of my half-brother (they don't know that he used to have sex with me when I was just 15-years old but they know that we fell out)!

My half-brother's inlaws are of the travelling community so they are not the kind of people anyone would want to get on the wrong side of. They would call me fat and ugly, a slut, a slag, they would call me every name under the sun and these people don't even know me! I did join college last year and I was going to a Catering class but I didn't enjoy it at all! Every day I kept getting flashbacks of the bullying, the horrific things that they said about me, my half-brother having sex with me, etc. Would all that I have been through be classed as trauma because I can barely get tasks done throughout the day because I keep thinking about everything bad that's happened to me.

I know that my half-brother treated me like rubbish but because he was the first man that I slept with I did fall in love with him. I think about him everyday and I love him but I hate what he did to me. How do I cope with all these problems? Will my suffering on this planet ever end? How and when! Just when! I feel so alone and lost.

You poor dear, you have had a very rough time of it. I hope that you find a good therapist who can really help you through these traumas. The bullying you have suffered, the loss of your virginity to an abuser, the loss of your education... I know what you mean by loving the one that hurts you. It's a kind of 'Stockholm Syndrome'. Your story is making me tear up. I also hope that you find much better people to associate with. You sound like a really good and worthwhile person, I bet you have never hurt anyone in your life. You were only targeted for your goodness by lesser people than yourself. Don't feel that you have to associate with those horrible in-laws.
There is so much out there for you! Keep trying and keep reaching out.