I have PTSD :( *may trigger*

Hello, my name is Isaacs. I have hesitated writing in this forum. The reason being my PTSD is not from the military. Mine is caused from almost 20 years of abuse from my father and grandfather and that continued on with boyfriends until I was 25. My problem is now that I am suffering from severe flashbacks to the point they seem to literally take me back to the scene, where I can not tell reality from memory. I end up spinning in this circle in my head until I am too dizzy inside and end up passing out, from the sheer feeling of spinning and trying to figure out what is reality.

My issue is these episodes keep me from being fully independent, as I can't drive and have to rely on someone to take me around town. I can't work I am on disability for PTSD and DID. so my life is still heavily impacted by the abuse even now at 30. I have talked to both my counselor and my nurse practitioner and my counselor and I are going through this PTSD work book. We have discovered that my PTSD is of the complex variety, not really sure what that means, and the nurse practitioner just keeps trying to tell me I need meds. Which I have no problem with meds but I want to work through my issues and not medicate them. does anyone have any clue how to get control of these flashbacks so that I can live a productive life? or the other thing that would probably help is understand complex PTSD better.

I also have PTSD, the complex variety. The biggest difficulty I face is just the sheer amount of memories and flashbacks that I have to process. There are so many, an accumulation from years of abuse. I just take it one day at a time. I try to be kind with myself, realize that this is going to take a long time to heal. I am also not dating presently as I need to remain focused and keep my life simple. That is really hard for me.

I did see a therapist, but didn't really click with her. Didn't go back. Now, I am currently doing a PTSD workbook, and find it helpful. One book suggestion that clicked with me, was to write down flashbacks, intrusive memories, imageries, and put them into a jar, where they can be processed later. It acknowledges them, but gives you the choice to process them when you're able. So it kinda organizes all my memories for the while.

It's a start.

What does it mean exactly to process a memory? Every memory is still intrusive, and I have big problems with it. The new age stuff of "this is now" doesnt have a huge effect.

To actually process a memory is a very hard thing to do, your question was great. I willgive you the process in steps.

Step 1 - acknowledge the memory
Step 2 - find a way to find peace with the situation, this is different for everyone, this dulls the pain of it. You don't have to make them positive or anything, but in order to heal, you have to find a way to accept that the situation happened.
Step 3 - Understand why you feel the way you do about the memory.
Step 4 - figure out how to control and accept the emotions and the reasoning as to why you feel that way.
Step 5 - move on with your life.

At least this is the process that works for me. Everybody is slightly different, but every process according to my counselor is is similar in the steps.

Ok. In that case, I cant move beyond stage 4. At stage 3, Iget mad but after can rage inside. I just try not to think