But I'm not like that???

I was recently given the idea from a doc that I may have PTSD (I definitely have PTSD criteria). You see the reason for this apparently is because that I am very traumatized not from one event but from my entire terrible childhood. Things like being bad at remembering, my hyperawareness, my anxiety, my disassociation, etc. I have vivid dreams but none of them remind me of my past. I don't have flashbacks. I don't have triggers. I don't have anything like that. I'm really surprised, because when other people talk about PTSD, when people who suffer from PTSD talk about it, it's all nightmares and flashbacks and triggers. It's like I have everything except the most dramatic things that everyone talks about when it comes to this PTSD stuff.

Do I really have anything like PTSD if it's not from one event but from a whole childhood? No nightmares, flashbacks, triggers, reminders? Am I doing something wrong? Should I be trying to have nightmares, flashbacks, triggers so that I can "deal" with it better or something? I don'tknow.

It sounds like you might have Complex PTSD (C-PTSD), which tends to be caused by prolonged abuse or repeated trauma. The symptoms differ from simple PTSD in that they're more about having difficulty maintaining a stable affect and being grounded in yourself and reality than about having intrusive memories. Dissociation and amnesia are definitely huge C-PTSD symptoms. You're certainly not doing anything wrong in not having flashbacks or triggers, though as you work through your issues you might find that you actually do experience them, but through emotional or memory problems rather than the more vivid experiences that people with simple PTSD might have.

Wikipedia is as good a place to start reading: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_po ... s_disorder

This site has a collection of C-PTSD articles I've found helpful: http://pete-walker.com/index.htm

The reply above is very clear - and I just wanted to add that as a therapist I see lots of people who can't pin down abuse as events that happened. (beatings, rape, shouting, anger...and others). Rather, they suffered a million little abuses every day - put downs, disrespect, never being asked or considered, their feelings being belittled, generally being shown they did not count while often being told they were loved. It's a sickening, pernicious form of abuse, and it leaves people confused and often very devoted to the abusers (the ultimate manipulators) - as well as experiencing the symptoms you describe.

The cure is good therapy, in my opinion. And usually group therapy, because that way you see in action what is and isn't acceptable in human relationships, while being part of a supportive group.