Where are all the broken hearted

The mornings feel colder as if winter has tracked my mind and left my body to roast in the warmth of spring. i feel that awful sensation that I have chased away a heart, that I have loved too deeply that it frightened her across the ocean forever. My reality sees time bearing down on her delicate structure and releasing its fury on the passion she has left to share. That youthful exuberance speaks so clearly. “ My body is waiting. I have not shared it with the man I will marry” I wanted so much to believe she had spoken to me. I fear that she may be the only woman left in the world who is in the same place as me with regards to the ultimate quest. We have both pushed away those who have not lived up to what we have expected to feel. Now my insides are beginning to notice a sparkle in her eye. I think my gut is telling me she has finally found someone.

I’m dying inside and I want to cry like I never have before, because no matter what I speak it will never be good enough for her to find me and wash away this pain. It makes me question everything I have come to know about compassion. I want for more. Is that so awful? I’m so afraid I have let slip away my youth for a cause that never wanted me. And now the guilt that has reached down and pulled out my spine is shouting, “you only wanted her to be happy if it was you who has become her forever.” I keep writing because it is my only medicine. I keep writing because I hope to find someone, another angel like creature who may be strong enough to pull me from the burn. And maybe these words are written well enough for another woman to take up the challenge of winning my heart. Now Im crying out to all the beautiful ones. Am I worthy? Can you look past my flaws and see that they are only present because I feel so crushed inside. Have I not done enough to make everyone see that love is what i do best. Where are the Florence Nightingales of the world? I need you. Make me yours and I will rescue you right back from the depths of sorrow, from all the men who have betrayed your heart for inconsequential things. I am waiting for my transformation to occur. My true strength lies within the touch of a woman.