Enigma

I am questioning the universe as to why it has seen fit to put me here. I dont pretend anymore to know my fate. My days lie somewhere between hopefulness and chaos, both of which I have grown addicted to like some extraterrestrial drug. The legendary stories of apprehension by an angel have left a hole in the space time continuum and I am drifting through it like a lie that has shaped itself into an unrecognizable cloud of confusion and self indulgence. I don’t believe there has ever been a place in this world for someone like this incongruent identity I have become. I only know that clinging to the lunacy of it all is the only way to record my effortless thoughts, for each time I believe she has rested in my imaginary arms I am compelled to throw down my words for the trappings of normalcy. I don’t know what my therapist was thinking when she acted as if she has pulled me out of this prison for some other grand design. And as long as it remains just a fantasy I have chosen to sabotage it in the Hope that I will create a divine poem and entice her into believing no other man can enter her soul the way I have come here unchecked, unhinged and ready to show her a side of me that nobody could topple with the dullness of confident mundane gestures. Why must I feel outmatched by chiseled bodies and stable minds. Has she become predictable? God I hope not. For all that has separated her from the masses has been her unwillingness to conform to the likes of those who have left behind there sense of adventure in favor of a more manufactured lifestyle.
It is all that I have ever dreamt of, a day under the stars in a place that so few have travelled, outside of course to the indigenous species who reside there.
I feel abandoned by my own shadow and lust for the equality that so many take for granted everyday. Its as if the sun has purposely dodged my body in favor of the air that surrounds me, and I can see the light in front and behind but I am trapped in temperatures that border on absolute zero.

It’s so cold here Hope.

Do you know how beautiful the world is anyway though? I have come to love this pain because it reminds me that there is someone out there who can bring out the best in me, the best that this stick in my hand can offer the world. I adore you every day for it. And maybe we will never take in each others gaze again but I am encapsulated by your presence anyway.

God I can’t take it anymore. I am overflowing with your spirit. I want you to take me with you. I want you to cherish me. I want you to hurt me. I want you to anything to me so long as I can feel your touch upon my existence. It is the nature of my affliction, and the hormones that have burst into tiny little stars that permeate in my blood.
I love you.