A Little Something

by **Inksypinks** » Tue Aug 19, 2014 6:55 pm

Hi,

My Name is Inka and I am new here. *tada*
I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder 7 years ago and kind of put it to the back of my head until this year.

I have written A Little Something today, describing thoughts that are going around in my head. It is not easy for me to share what i've written, with anyone.

So here we go..

How am I going to survive this without bleeding.
Without losing sleep.
Without losing weight.
I'm hurting my loved ones. I am not good enough to stay. Anywhere.
With Anyone.
I upset them. I make them angry.
And I make them doubt themselves. Have I not done enough?
Enough damage to others. Enough damage to myself.
There is no right to be happy. Not for me. Not for me.
Are there two people inside my head? At least.
There should be.

I can not love without loving too much. I can not hurt without hurting too much. I can not anger without angering too much.
And I can not be happy, without falling too much. I wish, I was someone else.
I wish I was normal. Instead? What am I?

Hyperactive. Reasonable. Funny. The black sheep. The odd one out.
Who would miss me? They would get over it. But would I?

Do I need rescuing all the time? Can I not man up?
Try manning up when your head is spinning. When there is this one moment, where everything comes down on you.

When you think that your best friend is sick of you. That your parents didn't want you.
That, since you've learned to do things on your own, you're doing everything wrong.

When every emotion you can possibly have, spins your head around.
In a matter of seconds.

Did something happen? No.
But your head tells you it did.

It is overwhelming. No one can truly understand the way you feel.

And what can you do against it?
Drugs.
Legal? Illegal? Both.
Anything that takes your mind of the whirlwind in your head. Whirlwind? Hurricane.

What else is there?
Hope.

A Little Something

A Little Something

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