"the first insane decision by sanity"

Hi, I know its long but try to stick through it, comments would be appreciated, its a poem/short story about "The first plea for (in)sanity" made by a rational human being. give it a chance, i know its a bit long and offbeat but i wrote it one sitting and i am not too good as a man of letters. it involves how frightening health can be, and the birth of an irrational decision to sabotage in a human being when he is given a thether of hope. here it goes.

I’ve been building the pillars of madness for years,
and a whole pyramid infrastructure has surfaced, where many attempts at life lay embalmed
then I grew used to being a desert of despaier, building a fine madness, it was quite a sight
At first circumstance put me in a desert, leveled out and flat, offereing no consolable point to leap from
Then I looked for the nearest chasm in the ground to fall through. And still nothing
The only trace of seismic activity was the one in my own head
And then I realized I was falling every day, in the depths of my mind, I made impact every day
I had only to listen close to hear the splatter of the mind embracing the intractable reality as it collided with it

Then one day, a gimpse of hope appears, a bearded man came
He said he will show me the way out, and that his name was Yaza, from the gaba clan,
I thought he was insane, but realizing that I was mad and thus had to invert my own impressions,
I came up with the realization that he must therefore be a perfectly sane creature
To test his claims I sat down alone and went down the staircase of consciousness, it’s a spiral one, I built it, and it goes down every of consciousness.
I try to leap and brace for impact, but alas I have become weighless,
My brain has become light and effervescent
The lift to drag ratio has been reversed, and I don’t drag or crash, I have become weighless, the torrents of madness have receded and my mind is in a paranormal vaccum,
The feeling of relaxation and hypnotic calm course through my head
This lack of noise in the head is frightening and I begin to panic. The silence is intimidating.
I leap again and float back up.

circumstance parted the ocean of mind torrents
keeping me from shore,
I saw the possibilities of this exodus, I saw the
freedom of autonomy awaiting for me,
And I told the bearded man with the staff that I
wanted to go back to my mind indenture,
“are you mad…….to go back to drudgery,
to captivity, to working your mind over for
the sake of architechting madness” he asked of me
I wanted to tell him that yes I was mad, but we both knew
that my lunacy checkbox has been annulled in my case.
He implored me to think again and that said generations
will flourish on this one
act of self delivery, just think about it.
And I replied that I hereby use my new privilege of sanity,
to go back to that begone state i had before,
And in a desperate redemptive plea for understanding
I said defensively: “look god made me this absurd, the
natural course of events is decrease dissonance and to strive for
a nonwarring state of mind, but the world on the other side now
seems ominous, dissonant and uninviting. I just want my peace of
mind, and my peace of mind wants is the pandemonium its used to.
Hell, I just want it back.
He told me to go my way and congratulated me on being
rationally illogical, a step up from involuntary fatalism, a
step up for the dichotomy of will and opportunity, a step
up in the evolving contradiction ranks of mankind.
Congratualations, he told me and we parted on good terms.
Though he knew that the reputation of logic as a rational
force had been irrevocably damaged, and that in the good
book of self destruction, when people came before their
judgements a new plea for clemency for redemption has
permeated human consciousness “god please reconsider…..
you made me this way”.