"Love marches on till its to late"

In the absence grows the heartache,
the passing of time seals lost loves fate.

With the distance grows the divide,
love marches on till its to late.

~ c1971

I wrote this poem today as a tribute? to the irony of my depression. I just got up the courage to email the love of my life after 4 years of battleing my self esteme to the point where I felt I deserved her love.

Course its silly, she wouldn't be waiting for me for 4 years but I honestly hoped somehow she would be single and open to contact again (Dutch Woman who lives in Amsterdamn, it was a long distance relationship with 2months at a time visits sprinkled in for the year and a half we were dating).

Well she emailed me back a month after I had emailed her. She let me know she was hurt by my pulling away and cutting her off. She also told me about how much her life has changed in the last 4 years (where mine has stood still). She is now Married to a Wonderfull (non-depressed) Man, and they just had a Baby Boy.

It hit me like a hammer in the chest. As dumb as my hopes were I honestly, truley belived we would be together some day. Yah crazy I know, but I've thought about her every day of every month of every year since I let my depression take over and kill our relationship.

I guess if I was really naive and she was just married I could hope beyond hope there Marridge failed and she would call me in a few years and...well its dumb

But now that she is a Mother, and she choose him as the Father, well duh! its pretty obvious she has chosen him for life. Nothing is stronger than a Mothers bond to her Children.

In her email she said it was "indeed strange to hear from you after all this time, that was so long ago in my past" But to me it seems like yesterday, I don't know where these last 4 years have gone.

She sounded as if she Pitied me in her email, and the depression I have suffered all these years from. Sort of a pat on the head and I hope you get better someday.

What a wonderfull life it is to be Depressed, trying to love and build a life, and being your own worst Enemy all at the same time.