just me

Why am I this way?
You can’t wrap your mind around it.
Why am I gay?
You really want to know?
Let’s start with, ‘because I can”.
Because I am!
Do I blame them?
No!
Do I blame him?
No!
Do I feel anything you wonder.
Yes, I thank him!
Yes, I thank them!
Now calm down. I know it’s hard.
How can she be thankful, isn’t she scarred?
Let’s sit down and talk this out.
He took something from me that you know nothing about!
I wasn’t shattered or broken.
I had never been whole.
My puzzle was completed long after they were finished.
This woman’s soul is now free!
I know, I know… even though they raped me!
So here I stand head held high!
I survived; I broke through, even when I wanted to die.
So yes I am gay!
Yes I was raped!
Yes my body was broken!
Yes my life was shaped!
I am not a defect or a nightmare!
I am happy, real, gay and rare!

I am natasha

wow...
wish i had the strength to see myself in such a beautiful way...

very impressive!!

love
rose

Hey rose, trying to get a hold of you. Sent you a reply about your problem. That poem was inspired by my experiences. Not good ones but they made me who I am and I can't change that.

that's exactly why i find it so impressive. we all go through hell and back, but that makes us who we are today. and i think it's really great that you found the strength to say to every one "hey, this is what happened, and this is who i've become. like it or leave"
i think that so very strong...

I really dont feel strong at the moment though. Just want to cry at everything, so blumen emotional. Its crazy. One day I am the strongest woman on earth the next I am so insecure and I can't even talk, I start to stutter and get my words mixed up. I then get frustrated with my stuttering that I just vent it and it becomes anger. I stilll keep it all to myself. Even if I tell my girlfriend, she does listen but she does not know what to do or say to me. I just feel that there is nothing that will make me better.

I've given up the idea of getting better. I started focusing on coping. Learning to live with it..

Are there things you'd like your girl to specifically say to you when you tell her how you feel?

sometimes I just want to be hugged (I am a very cuddly person). I just want someone to tell me that everything is going to be fine and I do have a future without this mess in my head

i don't think that would be a problem. i think that people just don't wanna promise you things of which they're not sure it can come true.. they just don't wanna lie to you.. maybe someday some wonder doctor comes along with a wonder treatment and everything's all good again...
and maybe it will get better but never away... who knows?

but i think the hugging part isn't a problem
does she know this?