I want to get fat, but I'm not sure if it's okay for me to.

Like the title says, I want to be fat. I don't want to be obese or overweight to the point that I'm close to reaching obesity. It's just something that I've fantasized about being ever since I was a kid, and thought that it'd fit me better. I've never tried to actually gain weight on purpose. This is because type 2 diabetes and type 1 diabetes runs in both sides of my family, being heavily overweight runs in both sides of my family (I'm not overweight.), I'm not sure if my family members would approve (Especially my older brother, who I care about very much.), I want abdominal fat which comes with some of the most high health risks and when combined with the risks I have of developing type 2 diabetes and becoming overweight already my risks are dilated, and I'm still a teenager so it wouldn't be beneficial for me to gain the weight I'm happy with at the time. I'm asking people what they think about this. Is it okay for me to have this desire? Is being fat too harmful to my health with what runs in my family? How harmful will it be? What downsides are there to being fat? Should I talk to anybody about this?

Now here's why I want to be fat. My first reason is that I feel it fits my personality better. I see myself as a very kind and sensitive person, and for some reason I feel like being fat would accompany those traits of mine well. My second reason is that I heard it's also just softer. For some reason this is a physical trait I want to have, because it seems comforting. I always feel like my fairly normal weight body is too uncomfortable to be in. My third reason is for some reason I think it'll feel luxurious to be able to rest your hands on a big, soft stomach and that just seems more comfortable to have on me. I'm not sure why I want that but it just seems nice. My fourth reason is it's often warmer to have more body fat.

One more reason why I don't want to be fat is that I love to run. I love sprinting up the stairs and running around my house as fast as I can. I'm a very fast person and enjoy it. When we go on family walks I'll sometimes sprint as fast as I can just to feel free.

So, is it okay for me to deliberately get fat when I feel I'm at the appropriate age? Are the health risks too much? What are the health risks? Is there anybody who can relate? I'm feeling very alone about this subject. I have depression and generalized anxiety disorder and this desire is only adding to my depression and anxiety. I've talked to an overweight close friend (Who doesn't mind their weight) about it who comforted me about it and said it would be fine if I wanted to be fat, but it's risky for my health. Yesterday I was so anxious and scared about my desire that I began to shake.
I was also so scared that I didn't want to eat. Not that I was scared about it effecting my weight,
but I was just scared to do it. I didn't think I had the power to eat and was very hungry for much longer than I should've been. I finally found a way to think about it that wouldn't terrify me to death, but it's still bothering me to a point I want to get help seeing better about it. I'm hoping that somebody has something to say about this that they can relate to me and give me some advice.

I would never want to be overweight. My doctor tells me I'm his healthiest client. I like to exercise, go to the beach, and party. All of this would end for me if I ever chose to be fat.

Plus, I like to have lots of sex so being fat would ruin my sex life.

There's a long list of problems that come from being fat. Just to list a few that I'm aware of:

being overweight puts you in a constant state of inflammation, meaning discomfort and hormone imbalances.

depending on your genetics, you might not even get very fat before your body decides to start lining your arteries, heart and other internal organs with fat which causes MAJOR damage and issues, in fact in the end it would likely be your end.

closely related to that last point, you can just forget about having quality erections.

Many very damaging substances including pesticides are stored in fat tissue. The fatter you get the more of a receptacle for toxic crap you become. As a guy you should also be concerned about estrogen and estrogen-mimicker buildup.

I don't believe in common sense but I think yours could pass for uncommon. You want to pay such a high price for what exactly? Not to sound condescending but you have a warped view of things. As for your generalized anxiety and depression i can pretty much guarantee that getting fat will make it worse, due to the reasons above and more. Get your head on straight son.