How to approach my cousin about her abusive relationship

Shes staying at our house for a couple of days, without her husband.

2 years ago I used to live with her and my little brother(she was sort of our legal guardian while my mom was away). I was 16. Her fiance used to come over a lot. Seemed like a cool dude, relatively shy, but cool. Then one night, my cousin came home extremely late, from work I believe, and her bf had been waiting for her at our house for quite some time. They were in the living room and I was on the computer in the dinner room. I could hear them argue and him asking where was she and her saying work. Then out of nowhere I hear him hit her. She yells at him and then goes to lock herself in the bathroom.

I freezed. I didnt know what to do. After a bit I just went to my room and made myself go to bed.

The next morning when I came home from basketball he seemed to have apologized. But for the rest of the year I KNOW he was still beating her. I would call home and hear her cry and stuggle to talk and stuff. One time she came to my school to give me something and she was breaking down.

Still, I never confronted any of them. Im not proud. I was a pussy I guess, and I was dealing with a lot of personal problems. So much problems that sometimes I forgot about her own situation until something happened. Ive asked for advice to a teacher and a phone counselor tho. And one day I was coming home from school and heard him beating her thru the door so I didnt go in but instead called the police. When they arrived, my cousin and her fiance(hes a preacher btw) acted like they were praying, but from experience I know they werent. Police left.

When that school year finished, me and my siblings and mom moved to another city. She now lives with her fiance and a friend. I dont who the hell that friend is. All I know is that when I went to visit them one night, the friend(whos a woman) looked extremely shy and kinda servant/slave-like.

Now ive resolved a lot of my personal problems. And I want to help my cousin. Only I know about this I think, ive never talked about it to anyone (cept aformentioned professionals). How should I confront her? And what help/advice should I offer her?

Thank you a lot for reading, I appreciate it.

You could try and talk to her, let her know of organizations that would help try to point out that she should not be living like that.
But, in the end unless she wants out there is not much you can do. 'You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Let her know you are there to support her, listen to her.
My friend had a neighbour who's husband use to beat his wife. My friend called the police one day on hearing a violent argument she feared for the 3 children in the house. That day the women was very grateful as she was frightened.
Then, the week after she would not speak to my friend, she wouldn't even say hello. When asked why she said her husband had said "If it wasn't for nosey neighbours our marriage would be fine" She'd apparently decided to agreed with him, and stay with him.
Its exasperating, particularly when children are involved its not fair on them, but what can be done?

Greatexpectations wrote:You could try and talk to her, let her know of organizations that would help try to point out that she should not be living like that.
But, in the end unless she wants out there is not much you can do. 'You can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Let her know you are there to support her, listen to her.
My friend had a neighbour who's husband use to beat his wife. My friend called the police one day on hearing a violent argument she feared for the 3 children in the house. That day the women was very grateful as she was frightened.
Then, the week after she would not speak to my friend, she wouldn't even say hello. When asked why she said her husband had said "If it wasn't for nosey neighbours our marriage would be fine" She'd apparently decided to agreed with him, and stay with him.
Its exasperating, particularly when children are involved its not fair on them, but what can be done?

Thanks.

Also, do you think I should involve my family in this? Or speak to her one-on-one and keep it a secret?

I'd try one to one for now.
Are your family the listening, supportive type, calm & caring? Can you trust them to tread carefully, thoughtfully, while dealing with this?
If so tell them,but if they are going to rush round there and cause a scene then best not to tell, not yet.
Talk to your cousin in confidence, see what she wants to do.

Whilst reading Greatexpectations's reply I could not help wondering about the safety of any children?
Your cousin might risk her own safety, but few mothers will risk the mental, emotional and physical welfare of their children.

-- Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:44 pm --

Whilst reading Greatexpectations's reply I could not help wondering about the safety of any children?
Your cousin might risk her own safety, but few mothers will risk the mental, emotional and physical welfare of their children.