This is my story.. Desperate for Validation.

I began working at an after school program last July. I am a social work major, and this particular organization was a charity for children predominantly on vouchers. I expected the employees to be as nurturing and caring as I was, but I was shocked to find that the majority of the people that worked there were actually behaving in a downright cruel manner to the children. One person that treated the kids with respect, however, was Tim. I would see him out of the corner of my eye down on one knee with a child, making the child feel so special. I remember the moment I truly fell for him. It was when a 7 year old boy pushed another 7 year old girl. I remember over hearing Tim pulling the little boy aside and saying "Hey buddy, we NEVER hit girls, okay?" (creepy in hindsight..) The kids seemed to love him and I was instantly smitten with him. I had never met a man that was so wonderful with children and seemed to share my similar goofy sense of humor. He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. I felt a strong connection with him right off the bat, and felt his eyes on me all day long. It was as if he had such an intense attraction to me that he couldn't take his eyes off of me. I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend but he began texting me every night and so began our secret relationship. He broke up with his girlfriend I broke up with my boyfriend. In the beginning things were great, he made me laugh harder than I've ever laughed before, and we had fun together. He was super respectful (it was once raining and he dropped me off at the door to a restaurant we were at and got out and opened the door) and he seemed to be totally taken with me.

Everything was great until I went away to Mexico for the week with my family. The day before I left he made a big deal about how he loved German Beer Maid Costumes. What began as a joke about me buying one turned into him claiming that unless I went out and bought a costume and sent him a picture of me wearing it, " I would not get his cock again." He also badgered me that night about weather or not I had been with anyone else. We talked all week long distance, and upon landing I turned on my phone and we were chatting about my sister. All of a sudden out of no where I look down at my phone to see that he had written: "I wonder if she ###$ like you." I got chills down my spine.

It all got worse from there. He came over my apartment, looked through a conversation on my computer and found a conversation I had with my ex. He tried to video chat my ex boyfriend and instant messaged him telling him to "###$ off." I had a male roommate at the time and he started making really inappropriate degrading comments about our sex life in front of my roommate almost as if he was trying to stake his claim over me. At this point I attributed his controlling qualities to the fact that his ex-girlfriend had cheated on him and he was getting nervous that I was still sleeping with my ex.

I had always told him that I enjoyed being dominated in bed.. but his sexual practices always struck me as a bit strange. It was as if the more he degraded me, the more he liked it. He would attempt to get me to do things that were very 'gross' (a lot of anal play) and if I did it he would bring it up later and remind me of it.

The games also began at this point. There was once a time where I went to visit friends of mine at a college about an hour and 1/2 away. I mentioned where I would be in my facebook status. I got drunk and drunk texted him in the middle of the night, and he informed me that "I would never believe this, but he was actually at the exact same college!" When I questioned him and asked him to name some of the dorms, he actually did, which meant that he had to have looked it up online (There was no way he was at this college, it was over winter intercession and he's 24, all of his friends would have graduated.) He tried to get me to meet up with him and when I wouldn't, he got angry at me the next morning saying he didn't believe that i was visiting my friends. He pulled a similar stunt when he claimed to be a sub shop near my home which a) i have no idea how he knew the name of this sub shop, he doesn't live near me and b) the sub shop was closed.

Mind you through out ALL OF THIS.. I have known him since last August and we have been involved since December, we are still not in an official relationship.

He constantly asks who i've hooked up with since we've started talking, and has demanded that I go into explicit detail about the things that I did with the other guys. He kept pushing it so much that he told me he would never be in a relationship with me unless i told him exact details (i.e where the guy ejaculated)

Things kept getting more bizarre. I decided to stop contact with him and removed him as a friend on facebook. He has always told me that his favorite food is bacon and that he loves bacon everything.. and I woke up the next morning to find a large strip of raw bacon covering my windshield. I convinced myself that it couldn't have been him and when he came back around hoovering me like crazy I fell for it. He still claims that the bacon was not him.

The last time I saw him, he insisted that we hang out at my house where my family lives instead of my apartment. During sex he became VERY violent, slapping me in the face VERY hard and shoving me on to the couch. He is very well endowed and was hurting me very badly and seeming to get enjoyment from it. When I finally showed deep discomfort, he DID stop and stroked my hair and cuddled me and held me. He looked into my eyes and said “you are so beautiful” and was very kind and nurturing. Immediately after sex this stopped and he left with kissing me on the cheek and patting me on top of the head.

I also want to mention that our foreplay ALWAYS includes him showing me how he is stronger than me and holding me down and not allowing me to get out of his grip on me. During foreplay he held me down while slapping me in the face and then threw me on the ground and started spanking my bottom. During a conversation I said to him: "You'd never hit me." And he looked at me and laughed and said "HA yes I would!" And i was like "What?" And he said "Well, I would never hit you out of anger but if you hit me first I would definitely hit you back, you know this." Through out the whole time we hung out every time he made a sudden move and I flinched he laughed and kept saying "are you scared? Are you scared?"

He continues to play control games. I told him I had an Ativan prescription and he claimed to have serious anxieties public speaking. He asked repetitively for the Ativan, claiming he went to his Doctors about it and everything. He bugged me about the Ativan for days and I kept saying no and getting very upset about it. He then made me feel sorry for him, and it was then that I agreed to let him have one. When I finally told him that he could NOT have one for real and that he needed to find another way to calm his nerves, he has given me the silent treatment and has not answered any of my texts or calls.

This is the first time I have written out this story in full and I apologize for the length, I just really needed to get it out. What kind of narcissist to you think we’re dealing with here? Do you even think he is a narcissist or just a psycho?

I am not sure what is wrong with him but he is abusing you. No one should put you in a position when you feel uncomfortable or like you are in a dangerous situation. You do not have to see him, talk to him or have any contact with him. I would advise you to leave him alone and if he does anything to bother you then consider calling the police (e.g. like the bacon thing). Please keep safe.

Cracked

about this man.....he is definately abusing you. he is abusing you sexually, mentally, and soon it will become very physical. i pray that you have left him. you are absolutely right to think that he is abusing you because he is.